Footiversary

The anniversary of my injury was 6/27.  I am 1 year post op today.  So I am calling this my "footiversary"!

I wish I had something profound or awesome to update.  But, I don't really.  I've spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting on what the injury has meant for me and what it has changed in my life.  I have had plenty of emotional moments over the last few weeks, but that seems to be passing and I'm back on track to being my normal self again.  Despite getting all of the "You have memories on Facebook today!" notifications on my phone, and seeing all of the struggles I went through last year during this time.  My first trip out with the scooter, the night of my surgery (where I was in so much pain, I posted a billion cat videos on my wall apparently to distract myself), getting discharged from the hospital.  I'll be getting those foot memories for a while!

I have seen some really good progress within the last few weeks as well, and I'm still amazed that I continue to progress even a year after surgery.  The doctor said one of the last things to come back usually was coming up on the toes, and that has been true.  I've seen some awesome improvement in being able to do that - the muscles are finally starting to engage and it is becoming second nature again with minimal discomfort/pain.  I thought I was never going to be able to come up on my toes on my right foot ever again.  But a year later, I can!  It is something so small that you don't even think about until you can't do it.

On the left, sitting in the ER shortly after my fall.
On the right, 1 year and 3 surgeries later!
Toes are still cute AF

I called Dr. Van Boerum's office at TOSH to schedule my yearly post-op appointment.  I've been so excited and anxious to go in, get my x-ray, and just talk to the doctor.  He is a really busy man, however, and the first available appointment wasn't until August!  So, the post about my year op visit will have to wait until then.

I've also started up my walking routine again.  I had stopped for a while, frustrated with progress and feeling remorseful about being unable to run.  I really do enjoy being outside and walking along the trails out on the lake near our house, especially with an earful of music and a pocketful of sunshine.  When I did my first attempt at a fast walking pace back in March, I walked a 5k in 1 hour, 17 minutes.  Now I can do it in just under 50 minutes.  I'm hovering just around a 15 minute mile.  Pretty good for a lisfrancer and I'm hoping to work at it so that I just get better and better.  I think I look kind of silly (I look like one of those race walkers that I've seen during the Olympics!) when I am trying to walk fast.  It feels awesome to be out there.  For the most part, my foot doesn't bother me during my walk...unless a storm is coming... and I'm not too sore or have much pain afterwards.  I'm only going maybe a couple of times a week for now.

I'm also very close to my pre-surgery weight again!  I gained quite a bit after surgery being unable to move, walk or be my normal active self.  Mostly that's been attributed to the ketogenic diet I am following.  That's for sure helped my confidence and physical well-being.

So, what's next?  I don't know.  I feel pretty normal.  Even though my foot feels alien, and I limp sometimes.  The new normal.  I'm always aware of my injury, but I refused to be defined by it.

Hang in there everyone!

You're Invited! To my pity party....

The self-pity party returned in full force this week.  I have been feeling quite emotional about my injury, and it's been quite some time since I've felt this way.  And I am not liking it.  I hate having feels and just wish they would go away!

I don't know why I'm feeling so terrible.  I think it's just a combination of my year anniversary right around the corner, and being confronted with not being able to race this week in a huge way. Little things have been setting me off, even things not related to my foot like work stuff.  I just can't even, apparently.  Also, if people could STOP being an expert about my limp, that'd be great!  I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to think about it, and I don't want to hear that because you recovered from a limp from your knee injury means that I will from my completely identical foot injury!  K.  Now that that's out of the way....

I did have an eventful week/weekend.

To start things off, my A/C pooped out.  Right in the middle of our heat wave, and 2 nights before leaving on vacation to Park City for Ragnar.   So that was a stellar beginning to things.  It ended up getting fixed 2 hours before I was to check in to our hotel (it's about an hour drive) so I guess the stars aligned and everything turned out peachy.

I also got to help Nate get ready for the Ragnar race.  I obviously didn't run it, but I helped him coordinate team meetings, van logistics, set agendas, and helped him draft and proof-read all team communications.  I'm a project manager and I was doing some practical application of my skills in the "real world."  At least I was able to help in some way.  I got to meet all of the members in his van, and they were all inspiring and amazing people!

Ragnar is a relay race, where you are on a team of 12 people and together you run 200-ish miles, with each runner having 3 legs.  It's an overnight race, so it takes a normal team 2 days and 1 night to complete.  It ran from Logan, UT, all the way to Heber (Soldier Hollow).   They call this one the Wastach Back, since you are running along the back side of the Wastach Mountain Range.  It's incredible.   I stayed in a hotel in Park City with my mom and spent the time shopping and drinking wine.  Also crying a lot.  

His legs were at odd times this year.  He was runner #1 so his start time ended up being at 5AM.  The other legs happened late and night and then again very early morning so I didn't have an opportunity to meet him out on the course.  I did however meet him at the finish line!  

The race ended at Soldier Hollow, which is exactly the place where I injured myself almost a year ago.  The Ragnar festival area was literally right on top of the exact spot that I fell off the wall at Spartan.  It felt so odd and sobering to finally revisit the scene of the crime.  This was where it all changed.

So yeah, this week has been really challenging for the feels.  Next week is one year!

Storm's Comin'

My posts have been really positive lately!  So I apologize....

But, I do have a sad.  I miss running.  Maybe it's the fact that it is so close to my year anniversary of my accident, and I'm thinking about it more.  I've reconciled long ago my severed relationship with running and thought it was all behind me.  But lately I have been craving the solace of the open road ahead with music blaring in my ears.  Clearing my mind completely, focusing on my breathing and my stride, lungs burning, and getting that sweet endorphin rush that comes with a long run.  Right now, I don't remember how I also use to hate it!  It has been hard to even hear songs that come up on my iPod that used to be on my running playlist.  I sometimes ride my stationary bike, close my eyes, and just imagine that I am running... Walking just ain't the same.

Nate has also been prepping for Ragnar this weekend (and I'm helping to organize and plan...putting my project management skills to practical use!) and before my accident, the plan was always to run it in 2016.  A week later, everything changed, and that was no longer the plan.  I wanted to train to walk it (fast) but recovery wasn't quite as fast as I'd hoped and I'm not ready for that.  I think I could do one leg, but probably would be too sore to attempt 2 or even 3.  Plus, who wants a girl that can't run on their Ragnar team?  No one.

So, I'll be there cheering on.   Trying to smile and not to think about how I could be out there running too, if I'd just held on to that stupid obstacle and not changed my life forever.  I want to see Nate cross the finish line.  Ugh.  I am so down about this right now and I don't want to think about it anymore.  I thought I was fine!  I want to be able to just not think about my foot anymore.  Or stop getting into situations where I feel like, "Oh crap, can I do this?"  Like an unexpected staircase.  Or worse, one without railings.  Not being able to reach something, and being unable to jump or come up on my tippy toes.  Or a sudden drop off/curb, where I have to figure out how to land.  Or my extreme fear of heights now, or stumbling and falling.  Also, I wish people would stop asking about why I'm limping or when is my foot going to "heal" because it's been so long!  It's a long story.   But, I guess that is to be expected.  I'll have ups and downs forever, and I've been really great with how things are for the last few months!

On a more positive note, I've been "practicing" walking barefoot more often.  I miss running walking around barefoot.  My arch is a little sore from it, but I am getting so much more comfortable with it, and eventually I'll be able to do it again without much thought.

I've also been gifted with the precog of when a storm is coming.  I feel it.  In my booonnes.  On Friday, I was in horrible foot pain, to the point of tears at work.  More frustration than pain tears - like "why am I hurting so bad, this is not normal."  A huge storm rolled in that night.  And the next day the foot was all better.

I do still feel grateful of all the things that I can still do, and that I'm still progressing on things almost a year later.  I'll get through this little rough patch.  I enjoy when I get to go hiking (as long as the weather cooperates!) and I just get better each time I go.   I'm a little intimidated to go with normal people.  I feel self-conscious about how slow I am, especially on the descents and my husband is a patient man. 

It will be a year since my injury on 6/27.  I haven't quite figured out how I am going to tackle that day.  Mourn?  Celebrate?  Cry to myself while eating a cupcake?  Break my other lisfranc?

Life is Grand

...for the most part with all things concerning the foot!

General Status Report for 11 months post-op (I really can't believe it's been almost a year!):

- Pain:  My pain is pretty minimal unless I really over-do it.  I still think about my foot with every step in some way.  Not that it hurts, but I can just feel the difference between my left and right foot.  My left foot feels completely normal and just like an extension of my leg.  My right foot still feels a bit... alien, I guess is the best way to describe it.  It doesn't feel natural.  That could be the hunk of metal that is still in there, and all of my bones and tendons still healing after all of the trauma.   I've learned to live with the alien foot though, so I can't say that it really bothers me.

- Limp:  Minimal, but it still shows up at times.  Mostly if I've been on my foot a lot during the day or I have done a lot of walking or activity.  I think my shoes also determine if I'll limp or not.  Some shoes still feel a lot better than others, and some days I just don't want to have to deal with the pain of walking around, so I wear tennis shoes that don't match my outfit.  It does feel a bit weird because I'm super self-conscious about it, but it's my body and I'd rather strangers judge my fashion choices than deal with pain and limping all day because I wore a cute shoe.

- Coming up on my toes is still an issue!  But, it is starting to get better little by little.  It's just taking a really, really long time.  The doctor did tell me that it was basically the last thing to come back.  So, I'm patiently waiting for that, and I'll do some calf raises when the foot will tolerate it.  I do much better with an assisted calf raise, like holding on to a wall or bar so that my weight is supported a bit.

- Big toe pain seems to have mostly resolved itself.  I get it from time to time, but just stretching my toes against the wall clears it up pretty quickly.

- Walking barefoot is still not my favorite.  I much prefer my orthopedic slippers or my pair of flip flops.  I never thought I'd ever feel like that!  How your perspective changes...

- Working out is pretty much back to normal (aside from my running/jumping/impact restrictions).  I lift.  I do the bike.  I go for walks.  I'm working on doing a pull-up.

And for the "grand" finale for this post, I summited my first peak since my injury - Grandeur Peak at 8300ft!   The trail was just over 6 miles round trip, and about 2700 feet of elevation gain.  If I'm being honest, I don't think my foot was quite ready for a hike like that.  Nate allowed me to pick the hike (we have done this one before my injury but in super crappy weather), and he said afterwards that had he actually looked at the stats, he would have told me no.  The ascent was slow and steady, and I just went at a pace where I was comfortable and had no pain.  There were some super rocky parts which I absolutely hated!  I have balance issues still so the foot was going all kinds of wonky directions and freaking me out.  Plus if I stepped wrong I'd get a shot of pain for a second, so I just had to be careful.  Going down was another story, it probably took me longer to get down than to go up.  With a little over a mile left to go, my foot really started to hurt.  But, I had to power through and stay strong.  I was on the verge of tears at that point from frustration, pain, and wanting to go faster.  Eventually I did hit the bottom and it felt great to have accomplished this peak!

Of course I was sore the next day.  But it mainly was from my other muscles and not my foot.

I will be going back in for my 1 year post-op check up next month.  I promise to keep updating!

My First Race

The doctor told me before surgery that I would never be doing obstacle course races again.

Well, OK, he clarified that I would be done with running, jumping and high impact exercises, so naturally that included obstacle course racing.

But, I am stubborn and always find a way around the rules.  He said that I could walk and hike just fine.  And as as long as things were low to minimum impact, that was also fine.

He never said that I couldn't walk an obstacle course race.  Or skip the obstacles that required jumping or landing more than a couple of feet off the ground.....right?  So, loophole was found.

I henceforth made my racing debut at the Greater Salt Lake Battlefrog Race, which was a very last minute decision.  Nate had signed up for it as a prep for Spartan in August and I kind of was sick of being cheerleader and being stuck on the sidelines.  So, we talked about it at length, and we agreed that I would only walk the course.  And I would skip any obstacle that had the potential of falling or landing more than a couple of feet off the ground.  I warned him it might be slow, and zombie-like-ish, but he was totally fine with it...or so he said.. :)  

So we drove an hour out to Tooele on Saturday morning, to the Miller Motor Sports Park, where the event was held.  It was a course mainly used for BMX style bike racing, so mostly flat but with some rolling hills.  I would describe the race more low-key than Spartan and not quite as intense.  That was fine with me.  I wasn't there to compete or be the fastest racer.  I was just there to prove to myself that I could do it.

This video was taken at the beginning of the race for the 9 AM racers.  Nate and I are at the very back.  Needless to say, I started the race, on my knees sobbing.  Full on sobbing.  Shoulder-shaking, tears streaming down my face.  There was so much emotion in this moment for me as I sat and waited for the race to start and listened to this speech.  Sacrifice.  Every obstacle representing an obstacle in life.  Embracing the moment and living your life.

A rush of adrenaline hit and I took off at a slight jog to start the race.  (Shhhh don't tell Dr. Van Boeurm!) but I didn't last very long and only kept it up for maybe a 1/4th of a mile or so.  Then I settled into my race-walk, which according to Nate's GPS watch, was about 4MPH.  Not bad!  I held true to my commitment not to try to tackle any obstacles which required more than a few feet or climbing or had any chance of falling off.  I was able to complete 8 out of the 24 obstacles, so, a third.  I pretty much shredded my strength based obstacles, like the tire pull, bag carry, and gas can carries.  I attempted a few obstacles that didn't feel quite as comfortable as I liked so I didn't try to finish them (mainly ones which required a lot of weight coming up on my toes... argh!).  I think looking back I would like to have attempted/completed more of them, but there's plenty of time to improve before I try again.

The course ended up being a little over 5 miles, and we completed it in a little under 2 hours!  I was very pleased with myself and was so glad to cross the finish line after 10 months of not racing at all.  Some of the obstacle race purists might be pissed off...that I didn't "earn" my medal by not doing all the obstacles.  IDGAF.  I don't.  I was out there doing it, and that's all that matters to me.  There were a few staffers yelling at me that it was too early in the course to be walking... I just smirked... if he only knew what I'd been through to get here.

The next day, my foot was pretty damn sore. Like everywhere.  Lisfranc joint, toes, ankle, shins, heel, arch.   And the day after that.  It started to be less sore by Monday.  And today (Tuesday), it's back to it's good ol' self!

Totally worth it.

Pre-race

Pre-race/Start Line

Climbing over a fence - just a baby, only about 4 feet tall!

Nate climbing this huge pyramid.  Me?  NOPE!  Just nope.

Post-race - got our medals!!

All cleaned up!

Average...and that's OK!

I'm really starting to believe that there is hope for recovery!  This week I started to feel like my foot was no longer controlling my life, something that I have not felt in 10 long months.

I treated myself to another hike over the weekend, this time to the Avenues Twin Peaks.  It was more challenging than the other two I have done so far this season, 3.7 miles round trip and over 1,000 ft of elevation gain, so a lot steeper!  I completed it in 2 hours, which is the average pace for the average hiker.  I'm totally cool with being average at this point :)

I was amazed at my foot's progress since my last hike 2 weeks ago, and I feel like I'm getting so much better every time.  I felt a lot more comfortable on my feet, and navigating through the rocks and mud.  I didn't lose my balance or slip and fall for the duration of the hike, which is quite an accomplishment for me, even pre-injury.  I still rely on my poles pretty heavily for balance and for steep uphill and downhill, but that's fine.  That is why I invested a lot on good trekking poles!

There were two summits on the hike, lots of elevation gains and losses throughout.   The ascent of each peak right before was definitely the steepest.  The uphill was fine, except for burning out my glutes and testing the limits of my cardio.  Downhill was a pretty steep descent and was a tad bit terrifying, but I took it slow and grounded my poles in front of me.  I actually kind of turned side-ways on the way down those steep parts so I would have a little more surface area and better balance.  I'd say it was a success because there were no falls :D  For the rest of the downhill, always the most painful for my foot in general, I tried a new technique to help offload some of the impact and weight on the forefoot.  I put my body in sort of a mini-squat position, and stepped down that way.  This sent pretty much everything into my quads, glutes, and calves.  It seemed to work because my foot didn't get sore at all on the way down.  Usually when I hit 2.5/3 miles, it starts to get pretty angry.  The only drawback was how sore I ended up being in my quads and other muscles the next day! To sweeten the deal even more, after the hike, we took my niece to the Natural History of Utah Museum to see the geckos exhibit (and the lizards and chameleons too - she says!), where I did plenty more walking.  My foot really didn't bother me much!  I clocked about 18,000 steps for the day, so I was pretty stoked!

Hike pictures - because I love sharing! I got Nate a GoPro for his birthday and it took some awesome photos!

I have a lot to be happy about right now.  I've worn several different pairs of shoes.  I finally took the stool out of the shower.  I haven't needed it in quite a long time but I've always left it there " just incase"  But, this weekend I finally said the hell with it and got it out of there!  I still have my slipmat, and I don't think I need that anymore either, but it's there just for security.  Maybe in a month or so I'll take that out too!  And yes, there are still "bad" foot days.  But not quite as bad as I imagined they would be and not as often as I thought there would be.  Sometimes it just feels stiff or more sore on some days.  But it isn't really bothersome - just a part of me now.  The good is outweighing the bad and I am extremely positive. 

Coming up on the toes has gotten a lot easier.  My right foot doesn't feel as strong still, but I can come up all the way now (if I'm in shoes) and even do multiple calf raises.  Going down stairs is still kind of a challenge.  I do OK on long stretches of stairs where I can get into a rhythm; it is the little flights or onesy-twosy steps that kill me.  I also found another "first" I can do....which is squat all the way down so my butt is almost on the floor then come up on my toes from there.  I didn't even know I could do it, but I was cleaning the other day and needed to squat down to get some leverage on scrubbing the bathroom tile.  I was very excited.   Also, I went to the movies with the hubby yesterday and decided to race him up the stairs to our seats.  I got about 4 rows up before I even thought about my foot or if I should be doing this.  It was an awesome feeling because I took off bounding up the stairs without a thought in the world about my injury.

I will keep updating this blog.  Even if I have no readers! (Today I noticed I have had over 6,000 views.  Wow you guys!  Thank you!)

You may have a "new normal."

But,

Lisfranc recovery is possible!!

Please stay positive everyone :)

Stepping Up My Game

I had another great week!  I hope you guys don't start to get bored with my updates.  I hope they inspire you so that you keep pushing and moving forward.  I started this blog with the intention of turning it into a positive recovery story, so that anyone suffering a Lisfranc injury has hope, and a light at the end of the tunnel that it will eventually be over, and eventually be just a memory.  My injury ended up being on the severe side of things, so yes, there are things that I will never be able to do again (at least, they aren't recommended if I don't want another surgery in 2 years, so yep, taking the doctor's advice), but there are plenty of things that you still CAN do.

I was hoping that this feeling of encouragement and happiness about recovery would have come maybe a few months ago and I really didn't expect the injury to take this long to heal.  Patience is the key and you just have to have it.

So what did I do this week that has me so excited?  Another hike!  I increased my distance and elevation gain with this one, last week's was more of just a baseline on where I was.  Last week's hike was about 2 miles round trip, 0.75 each way and then some tooling around the reservoir, with overall about 450 ft. of elevation gain.  On Friday, I had the day off work and we celebrated my hubby's birthday by going on a hike that was a little more challenging than last week's.

This hike was located in Millcreek Canyon,  on a trail called Rattlesnake Gulch (I'm in Utah, not Colorado) and led to a beautiful overlook of the Salt Lake Valley.  It almost double the distance of last week's adventure, 3.4 miles roundtrip with about 750 ft of elevation gain.  My foot held up so great.  I actually didn't have much pain at all during the entire hike, and it started to get kind of sore about a third of the way back down the trail.  I did have to kind of think about my foot in general though, since the trail was super rocky.  I was conscious of every step, where I was putting my feet, and my weight on each foot.  I was trying not to put too much weight on the right foot, especially on the steep parts.  I tried to lead with my right foot as much as possible so that I wasn't pushing off too much on it.  I let my left foot be the back foot to push myself up the hills.

The rocks really tested my balance and I was grateful for my trekking poles.  There was one section that was almost all rocks, and I tweaked my ankle just a bit.  My foot is seriously not used to this type of activity and this is helping to work on stability.  As anxious as I might be for pushing the foot, I am seeing huge leaps of progress the more active I am.  

I also found out that my cardio totally sucks.  Definitely need to work on that aspect!  During the steepest part of the hike my heart rate got up to 203, according to my Polar Heart Rate Monitor.  I didn't die though.  Overall, it took me about 1hr 50 min to do the hike, exactly on point with the average hiker pace for the Wasatch Mountain Club.  (Slow clap?)  I honestly don't care about pace or speed.   Maybe next year that can be a goal.  Right now it is just about completing the hikes!  I burned about 1300 calories on the hike which had me feeling awesome afterwards.  And yes, we treated ourselves to a birthday dinner at Ruth's Chris later in the evening.

Pics!

Going up the trail (this was the non-rocky part :) )

At the top - if you zoom in you can see the Salt Lake downtown skyline!

Looking west to the other side of the valley; Oquirrh Mountains in the distance

Looking down at Salt Lake Valley.  The abandoned pipeline is in view, which Google tells me used to power parts of the valley years ago!

The next day, my legs were for sure sore, especially my calves and quads.  Most importantly, my foot was only mildly sore.  Compared to last week's 2 mile hike, and this week's 3.4, it definitely felt more sore this week than last week.  But not really enough to bother me much.  I some gardening that Saturday and we hung another bird feeder, ran errands, and did some shopping, so I still was able to be on my feet and fairly active throughout the day!  There was one point where we had gone to pick up some flowers for the garden at our favorite nursery, and the hubby told me that I was WALKING TOO FAST for him.  What!  (In his defense, I had a pair of tennis shoes on, and he had flip flops, but still)

As I think about it, maybe a year ago if I had gone on this hike pre-injury, I might have noticed the pain or the differences in my two feet.  Maybe it would have bothered me.  Other than getting used to how to hike all over again, I am so pleased with how my foot held up.  I wasn't bothered.  A little sore, but not bothered.  Considering all the time, surgeries and trauma my foot has been through, this was exciting.  This is my new normal now.

And I'm fine with that!