Let me start off by saying that I'm a Utes fan, but I really feel horrible for Taysom and wouldn't wish the injury on my worst enemies. Except maybe Tom Brady. No, not even him. I'm no collegiate athlete either, but who knows if he'll be able to come back from this injury and be able to perform at his same level? It's very sad.
A co-worker of mine told me to look on the bright side one day when I was down. He'd told me, "If you were a professional athlete, your career would be over!" Thanks? I guess that is one way to look at it. I'm not a professional athlete. I can still have my career.
I've been seeing a lot of questioning on social media on why this injury would end a season, and even a career. Most people think that it's just a foot sprain, you can rub some dirt on it, and be good to go. That just shows how little the world (aka normal people) have no clue about this injury or how serious it really is. You have no idea, unless you've actually gone through it, or someone very close to you has.
Gionni Paul (a linebacker for the Utes) recently reached out to Taysom on social media, as he too suffered through this injury. There's an intense rivalry between BYU and Utah, players and fans alike, so to see Gionni offer support was heartwarming to me. This injury has a way of bonding people together that have had it, because we're all going through the same hell, or have gone through it. I'd be willing to talk to anyone, or help anyone, at any stage along the way, tell them about my experiences, my ups and downs. Hopefully one day, I'll be able to tell people that I once had this injury; I recovered, it's now in the past, and I'm a stronger person because of it.
I'm grateful for the care I'm receiving at TOSH. Even though I'm slightly mad at my doctor for slicing me open, pumping me full of metal and sidelining me for 3 months.
This week has also had some frustrations though. I'm really sick of not walking. My foot, for the most part, feels "great". By great, I mean it feels mostly normal. I know there's pins and plates and screws in there, but I can take off my boot, wiggle my toes, flex my foot back and forth without much pain now. I. just. want. to. WALK. Not run, or ride a bike, or swim, or anything. I just want to stand on my own two feet and take a couple of unassisted steps. It's astonishing to think I haven't walked in almost 3 months. I've got just over a month left until that second surgery to get the pins out that are preventing me from bearing weight.
I'm sick of people having to take care of me, and trying to do things for me. My husband knows this, and he knows if I truly need something I will ask for it. I'm stubborn and will try to do most things on my own, even if it takes me four times as long to do it. Like cooking, or dishes, or trying to get things off the top shelf in the cabinet. I only ask for help if it's truly something I cannot do. Or, for those times when I've spent a half hour getting ready for bed, undress, climb in, turn the light off and lay down, and realize I've forgotten to do something. My husband's the best at helping me with those moments. It feels like people are in my face sometimes with their helpfulness. While I appreciate the offers of help from others, I can do things on my own. I'm a pro. I got this.
And this might be an embarrassing topic, but this is my journal and voice to the world, but I totally do not feel sexy. At all. This is probably the thing that gets me down the most. How can I feel sexy when I'm rolling around on a scooter? How can I possibly be attractive to my husband in any sense? "Hey Baby, wanna get with me and my boot? ;)" I used to love getting dressed up and going out on a Friday or Saturday evening, decked out in my cutest dress and my sexy Louboutin heels. But now, it's all about which yoga pants are the most comfortable and which tennis shoes are going to give me the most support for my left leg. I haven't worn a pair of jeans or really anything cute since my injury. My clothes have to be practical and comfortable, and sexy does not fit into that category. I also feel like a blob. I'm still working out and eating right, but I just feel... puffy. Not like myself. I was looking at my ass in the mirror at the gym yesterday, and my butt is just not as cute and perky. I haven't squatted, deadlifted or lunged in 3 months, so its just flabby and droopy. My shoulders and arms are for sure filling out though....maybe a little too much.
I just want to feel like myself again.
