Frustrations

K, so, always, ALWAYS when I post about how great my foot is feeling, I end up putting my foot in my mouth!  That was a metaphor.  

I'm feeling emotional and frustrated, so boom, blog post!

Monday was my first day back from holiday vacation and the first time I was walking around the office boot free.  I work in a building that has 25 acres of property and is 395,000 square feet.  It is a BIG jump from walking around the house, to walking around this gigantic building.  The walk from the parking lot to my desk is at least a 10 minute hoof, and I no longer have my handicap pass.  It was about 20 degrees on Monday morning walking in.  I was trying to walk as fast as I could to get inside the building as quickly as possible, but my "fast" walk is a meager saunter by normal standards.  So, that was really frustrating.  My mind wanted to go faster, my body was trying to push me faster, but my foot wouldn't cooperate.  People were passing me left and right, and going around me, and I just felt defeated.  Then I make my way to the elevator, cram in with 8 different people, and I'm the only one going to the 2nd floor.  I know people are thinking that I'm lazy and should just take the stairs, mostly by people's reaction when we have to make a stop at 2.  So I do my little walk hobble of shame to my desk, exhausted.  I finally get to start my work day!  But everything seems so......far.  Going to the bathroom, running back and forth between meetings, going to the gym, getting lunch and coffee from the cafeteria, then the walk back out to the car.  I got about 7,000 steps according to my fitness tracker.

The foot felt fine yesterday, and last night, pain free.  I was just mainly frustrated because it takes a long time to get from point A to point B, but Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are shattered navicular bones.  Then, I woke up this morning.  I usually have soreness and stiffness when I first wake up, but I was really sore.  And it didn't really go away after I walked around and got ready for work.  Nate told me that I should wear the boot to work, but, I'm viciously stubborn and there was no way that I was doing that.  He was sweet, despite my stubbornness, and dropped me off at the front door of my office so I only had to walk part of the way.  Despite the violent protesting that occurred inside our vehicle about him doing so.

I thought finally walking would be the cure for everything.  It isn't.  Yes, I'm walking around in shoes (well just the one pair that I can so it does offer some interesting fashion choices...whatever..) and I'm so so so so happy about that.  But on the other hand, I'm still a long way off from being 100% again, or at least close enough.  I injured myself over 5 months ago.  I spent 115 days not walking at all.  I started walking with 25% of my weight in October with a boot in crutches.  I weaned to 1 crutch after 3 weeks, then just the boot for 3 more.  I'm finally out of the boot, but how much longer is this recovery going to take?  It feels so long.  Never ending.  There was always a milestone to look forward to:  getting my splint off and into a cast, out of the cast and into the boot, removal of my pins, weight bearing with crutches, no crutches, weaning out of the boot, walking in shoes.  Now, there's just one more milestone left and that is the surgery to remove my screws.  Granted, they've been causing me a lot of pain, and I'm optimistic that my pain and walking will improve once they are gone.  I also will be slapped back into the book for a few weeks after surgery, and that feels like a set back.  But, after the screws are gone, then what?  What's the next milestone to look forward to?  When will my limp go away? When is it going to be as good as it gets?