I've had quite an eventful couple of weeks!
I went in for a check-up at TOSH last Monday. Doctor visits are always hard for me because it is a reminder of just how bad my injury was, and how life-changing it has been for me.
I got a set of x-rays taken, and everything appears to be lined up properly and healing well. My bones are still not quite as strong as they were before, and it will just take time to build back the bone density. Otherwise, the x-rays looked great and there were no major issues that could be seen. The doctor did say that he could see evidence of very mild arthritis through my midfoot already, but it was nothing to be concerned about at this point.
I am still having quite a bit of pain and stiffness in my big toe. There wasn't anything on the x-ray that could point to the cause. The doctor examined my foot, and he thinks that it is just stress on the foot after not using it for so long. He said to continue with my plantar fascia stretches, and to also work calf stretches in, by hanging my right heel off a step and dropping it down. I also still cannot really come up on my toes at all on my right foot, and the doctor said that that is usually one of the last things to come back.
I was also given clearance to start weaning out of my Superfeet. I have been wearing those inserts for arch support ever since I started weight-bearing, so I've become quite accustomed to them. But, my arch has built up enough strength now to be able to support my foot on it's own, so I can begin to phase them out. I wore a pair of boots to the grocery store over the weekend without them, and I didn't really notice too much of a difference - other than there was a lot more room in my shoe! Walking barefoot has certainly gotten a lot easier; it's not my favorite thing to do, but at least I can stand walking around on it a bit after I get out of the shower without running for my shoes first thing.
I got the standard set of instructions for the next 4 months until my next appointment: low or no impact exercises, a stiff supportive shoe, and monitor for pain. The next time I see the doctor will be the 1 year post-op mark.
I also took another trip last weekend, to Phoenix. The hubby was doing the Spartan Race, and I signed up to be a Spectator, so I could watch him compete. It was HOT down there - 90 degrees - compared to about 50 here in Salt Lake. I had a lot of mixed emotions about him doing the race, though. We had an agreement that I would NOT cry the entire trip or there would be consequences. It was incredibly hard though, because every fiber of my being wanted to be out there with him running the race. He was also running it by himself, and that made me so nervous for him, and I felt bad I could not be his support. But, as a Spectator, I still was able to see him quite a bit on the course. They block off an area for "spectators" in the main festival area, and you are able to see about 6 of the obstacles. But, there were 22 of them in the race!
I don't do well with "rules" so after he took off from the start line, I started my own race around the course to find him and cheer him on! I had a course map and an iPod. I was really surprised at how my foot held up during my escapades. I was climbing hills and walking around with no real pain, or problems! Descending was another story - although it was mostly psychological. I didn't have the confidence or trust in my foot when I was coming down a steep hill, so it was very slow, and steady. But, I made it, with no falls! I trekked my way to 6 obstacles (Over-Wall, Rope Climb, Herculean Hoist, Rolling Mud, Barbed Wire Crawl, Bucket Brigade), plus the 8 in the designated area. So, I got to see him do over half of the race!! I took pictures and provided vital nutrients such as Gatorade and water.
I also watched him tackle the obstacle that caused my injury! It was nerve-wracking and really hard to watch, (and exponentially harder not to cry while watching), but he conquered it like a boss. He later admitted that he was shaking the whole time, and that he had "words" with the obstacle.
He finished the race (mostly) injury free!
And I didn't cry!
Well, I've been boot free, hardware free, and walking in my shoes for a month now!
I should be really excited. But, I'm kind of not today. Yesterday, I went in for another physical therapy appointment. Stephanie always asks about my pain levels and what I still feel is difficult for me. I started off by saying that I still have pain, or at least some degree of discomfort with every step, but that it was mostly manageable. I was pretty excited to hit some milestones, such as getting 10,000 steps and going back to the gym 5 days a week.
But, she was concerned about the pain, and not very excited to hear that I was having any, so we took a look at my foot. I've got a couple of issues going on. First, my big toe joint is super stiff, and is definitely the source of my pain on the left side of my foot. It hurts a lot in the "toe knuckle" (?) area and I can feel it all the way down into the arch of my foot. She said that I am only at about half the range of motion I should be in that toe, and that I need to get upwards of 70 % for a normal gait. So, lots of stretching needs to be done to help correct it, and I'm supposed to stretch my foot on a wall for 3 sets of 30 seconds, 3 times a day. I did the first set in the PT office and I could already feel the difference.
Then, the more concerning of the two, is that she says she believes I have the beginnings of a stress fracture on my 3rd metatarsal head. I was complaining about a pain spot that wasn't anywhere near my incisions, or where I even broke my foot. She pushed on the sore spot and could definitely see something going on, since it was swollen and she could see her fingerprint indent stick for a couple of seconds after she pushed on the area. She said that she did not like that at all, and that I would need to dial down my activity for a couple of weeks. Essentially, my little metatarsal bones cannot keep up with all of the activity I am doing, so they are screaming at me to slow down. I am also putting a lot of stress on them (~200% of my body weight) because of the issue with my big toe joint. It's a classic case of overcompensation. Instead of doing physical therapy exercises every day, I will now be doing half sets, every other day. And, I need to stop walking around so much. WHAT?? I thought I was doing good!! I thought trying to get 10,000 steps was a good thing. I still can do the bike, and the elliptical, since that is non-impacting, and any weightlifting should be done while I am seated. So, I'm kinda pissed, and angry, and frustrated. I don't feel like I am doing that much! I feel like it is such a set back. She even said that going back into the boot for a bit might be good. So I spent the entire car ride home, stewing in silence, with the worst case of resting bitch face you've ever seen! When we got home, Nate asked if I was done rampaging yet. Nope... savin' that for the blog.
I want to get better. I want to go hiking. I want to WALK WHEREVER, WHENEVER AND HOW MUCH I WANT. Is this so hard to ask for? It has been seven months now. SEVEN. I feel so deflated by my stupid foot. I could just cut it off, you know.
So, I have to take it easy. I've got to cool it with the walking around at work and walking in general, and it looks like my boot will be coming with me on vacation next week. Stellar. I want to figure how to work it into a costume somehow, like a pirate with a peg leg. I think I could pull that off! I also found that my pair of hiking boots feels so much better than wearing my tennis shoes. Hardly any pain, and the shoes are super sturdy and offer really good support. So, I may have to switch to that as my primary shoe if I am doing a lot of walking. They are purple, so, matching them is kind of a challenge, but IDGAF.
In other news, husband has committed to doing the Spartan Race in Phoenix next month. I of course am going with him, but will be siloed into supportive wife/water girl this time. It sucks that I can't do the race with him, but I'm not dumb and I know my foot isn't ready to even attempt something like that.
I have also asked husband to write a guest blog post. I think it would be great for the blog to get a spouse's perspective on the injury and what a spouse/significant other/close friend could expect with the whole injury process. Or just general thoughts and feelings. Maybe some tips to help you deal with a crazy emotionally raging wife? I don't know. I'm calling him out officially now though, so it's not an idea I am just kicking around anymore. It is decided. Stay tuned!
It is hard to believe that it has been a whole 3 months since my Lisfranc injury. 3 months since breaking my foot and shattering my navicular, and 11 weeks since the surgery to repair the damage.
People are definitely starting to notice that I've been on my scooter for a long time now. If it feels like a long time to someone else, you can only imagine how it feels for me. I get a lot of "How much longer are you going to be on that thing??" I do a lot of explaining of why this particular injury is so bad and why I have to be completely non-weight bearing for as long as I have. I still think most people don't understand. I actually spend a lot of my day meeting strangers and talking to them about my injury. Nate and I have a running joke of how many people will stop me while running errands and want to chat. We've never made it one time out in public where at least 1 person didn't chat me up about my scooter or my injury.
The tops of my toes are. still. numb. I'm hoping that gets better, the doctor said I should get the feeling back once the nerves start to normalize down there. My range of motion continues to get better. I'm working on my ankle pumps and marble exercises every day. I found a new pain sensation as well. I whacked my exposed foot on one of the wheels on my scooter. I hit it right where my navicular plate is. It didn't feel like bone, or muscle pain. It was a pinching sensation of my skin getting caught between a piece of metal and the rubber exterior of my scooter wheel. That's new!
The past week has been a bit of an emotional struggle because there were a couple of things I had planned for last weekend that never got to happen because of my injury.
I was supposed to be traveling to San Diego and completing my Spartan Trifecta. For those of you not familiar with that, there's 3 types of Spartan Races: Sprint (3+ miles, 20+ obstacles), Super (8+ miles, 25+ obstacles), and Beast (13+ miles, 30+ obstacles). If you complete each type of race in a calendar year, you receive a Trifecta medal. I completed my Sprint in February in Arizona, my Super in Salt Lake in June, and had my sights set on the Beast in San Diego (well, Temecula) in September. It was my fitness goal for the year. I set one every year. And not only was it my goal, it was Nate's too, so I am the direct cause of him not being able to complete his Trifecta either and that does make me feel pretty horrible. But... 2 outta 3 ain't so bad.
The second thing was something that played to my inner geek and stabbed me like a Morgul-blade through the heart. I missed the Salt Lake Comic Con! Last year, Nate and I went all-out. We stayed downtown close to the convention center, so we could get up early and stay out late while getting our geek on. We decked ourselves out in cosplay; he dressed as Dr. Krieger, from the Archer series, and I went as his virtual anime girlfriend. We bought VIP passes, took pictures with Manu Bennett, Stephen Amell, and went to every Geekshow panel.
This year, the Con was bigger and better, and had several actors from Captain America: Chris Evans (Captain America himself!), Sebastian Stan (Bucky/Winter Soldier). Anthony Mackie (The Falcon) and my very own girlfriend Hayley Atwell (Agent Peggy Carter)!! I was most bummed about missing Hayley. I was so frustrated, sad, and angry that I couldn't attend my beloved Con. But going this year just wasn't practical with my injury. I'd probably need a wheelchair to get around, and the convention gets really crowded with people so that would have made navigating super hard. I loved going to all the panels, and finding a spot to fit both me, Nate & the wheelchair would have been kind of challenging.
I had to stay off Instagram and Facebook for a large part of the weekend, because between that and seeing all of the Spartan posts from California, I was getting pretty upset. We are determined to make up for lost time next year instead! My ever supportive husband informed me that this is what I looked like scrolling through Comic Con Instagram feeds this weekend:
Aside from having these emotional outbursts this week, honestly, the 3 months really hasn't been as bad as I'd imagined in my head when I got my initial diagnosis. I thought I'd be stuck on the couch without a life. Turns out that wasn't quite the case! Yes, I'm still on the couch and out of commission more than I'd like to be, but I am doing so much more than I thought that I'd be able to. I cook. I clean. I run errands with my husband. I go tailgating. I go to football games. I workout 4-5 times a week. I've added 25lbs to my bench press. I go to work. I go to fancy wine and cheese parties at my friend's house. So while I'm not completely independent and there are still things I can't do, there are plenty of things that I can!
Only 2 more weeks until surgery!
When I saw mile marker 8, my adrenaline kicked in. Less than a mile to go to the finish line. I'd already given this brutal course 4 hours, and every muscle in my body had been pushed to their limits. Utah was in the middle of a 100 degree plus heatwave this week. But, I'd trained for this. I'd trained months for this. And it was all going to pay off soon.
I was running the Utah Super Spartan Race, an 8+ mile obstacle course nestled in the sweet little mountain town of Heber, UT, filled with rope climbs, walls, and mudpits. As I crawled through about 100 yards of mud under a barbed wire fence, I could see the finish line, just one more obstacle to go, the Stairway to Sparta.
On the other side, the infamous fire pit and my much earned Finisher medal. I began the climb of the 16 foot wall/ladder combination, covered in mud from the barbed wire crawl. I climbed over the top, smiled and waved to my mother at the finish line, who was there capturing photos of our event. My husband, who was running the race with me, asked me if I was OK. "Yes! I'm fine!" I said as I began my climb down the other side.
But, then something tragic happened. I lost my footing, and the combination of the slippery mud, muscle fatigue, and heat exhaustion, I slipped and fell, about 9 feet, onto the rocky terrain below. I landed full force on my right foot. I laid there stunned for a second, not sure what had happened, and the next thing I saw was my husband's worried face as he cradled my head.
I assessed my body. Nothing major was hurting. Head and back were both fine. I moved my extremities. My foot kind of hurt. Sprained, probably. I went to stand up, being a mere 10 feet or so from that sweet, sweet, finish line. A fellow racer stopped to check on me and told me to stay still. He was an EMT. I told him my foot was hurting and he started to examine it while the Spartan race staff summoned the medical team. I just wanted to get up and cross that finish line. My mom blew through the barricades, nothing would stop her from attending to her injured daughter. A small fan club started to gather around me and give me words of encouragement. I ended up being in multiple racers' finish line photos. I was a celebrity, kind of. The girl in this photo is not me. I am the mud covered blob laying on the ground behind her.
The medical team assessed nothing critical, wrapped my foot, and called a cart to take me to the medical tent for aid. My husband told me it was time to cross that finish line, and I agreed. He and a few other racers helped me to my feet. I tried to bear weight on my right foot. It felt like a million shards of glass piercing every part of my foot. Something was not right. It was a really bad sprain, I thought. I hobbled with the support of my husband and an unknown mystery Spartan across the finish line, got my medal and was carted off to the medical tent.
My foot looked like a giant deformed softball. I was given some ice and salted gatorade (yum!) to help with muscle cramps from the heat. In the medical tent, I had a few friends. A girl was getting her finger stitched, another was suffering from heat exhaustion. There was a man with his arm in a sling and on a stretcher, a dislocated shoulder. At least it could be worse. The medical staff didn't have an x-ray machine. They sent me home and recommended that I get that foot looked at.
My husband then drove us over an hour back home down the windy Provo Canyon, caked in mud and happy to be alive. It could have been so much worse. So much worse.
