The Return of FrankenFoot

It's been a little over a week since my hardware removal surgery.  Recovery has been great actually.

Yesterday, I was allowed to take off my dressing.  It revealed a slightly swollen foot, with two new incisions (one on the top on my foot, the other along the side/bottom).  Overall, it did not look that bad.  The sequel is never as good, I suppose.

My incisions are a little sore still.  I don't like the prickly feeling of exposed stitches. When the blanket touches them in the bed, I want to just pull them out.   I technically should be waiting until next week to sleep with my boot off, but I am cheating a little.  Shhh!!!  The doctor originally said that there wouldn't be any stitches on the bottom of my foot, but when I took off the dressing it appears there are stitches there.   Also with a lot of dried blood on my foot, so I'm guessing the removal of that pin didn't go quite as smoothly as anticipated :)

I've been allowed to start putting as much as 50% of my body weight on my right foot!  I am slowly phasing out the scooter.  I am only using it when I a) need to get somewhere fast (midnight potty runs) or b) if I need to carry something in my hands.  Otherwise as much as possible I am using my crutches.

I went to physical therapy on Monday, and Stephanie taught me how to get the weight ratio right.   It's a bit tricky to get, but we started out with a scale and a book.   First, I had to figure out what my weight was, and thanks to surgery last week I knew the number. She marked half of my body weight on the scale with a green sticker.  It wasn't a digital scale, it was the kind with a needle.  I stood on the book with my left foot so that I would be level with my other foot, since my boot makes it slightly uneven.  I slowly started to put weight on my right foot, which was positioned directly under the scale.  I started switching my weight back and forth between the book and the scale, and the goal was to hit the green sticker every time to hit 50%.  I did this for a few minutes, to get used to and comfortable with the weight.  Then, she had me close my eyes and repeat the exercise, to see if I could hit 50% without looking.  After a couple of tries I was nailing it pretty well!

Then I started to walk with the crutches around the room, learning to walk all over again.  Starting with all the weight on my heel, and then kind of "roll" my foot so the weight then gets pushed through the arch, then the ball, and then the toes.  I had to take small steps.  How did it feel?  It wasn't painful, but uncomfortable.  The best way I can describe it, is that it felt like when your sock is kind of bunched up in your shoe right underneath your arch.  That pressure you feel on the bottom of your foot, kind of crampy and a bit achy.  I thought it would hurt more quite honestly, but with the help of the Superfeet arch supports my doctor recommended, it wasn't bad at all.

I worked on some additional exercises before she sent me home, which included some squats, a session of 5 minutes on the Total Gym doing leg presses, and balance work on my right foot.  I actually was sweating pretty good, and it felt great!  My foot was definitely sore after all that, but it was the first time I'd used it in 112 days!  Wow.

Next week, I'll start 75% of my weight, and go down to one crutch, after my appointment at TOSH to remove my stitches.  I also was told to bring a shoe to my next appointment.  A SHOE!!  She told me to get at least a half size or a full size up from my normal size.  Between the insert and swelling, my foot probably won't fit into my normal shoes.  There are constantly just left shoes laying all around the house so I hope that starts to change.

As I left my appointment, she brought my scooter over, and I was like "Hell No!  I'm walking out of here!"  And she just looked at me and said, "OK, but don't over do it!"  I got that mischievous grin on my face when I know I'm about to do something I am not supposed to.  So, Nate rode the scooter out to the parking lot while I crutched along.  We got a lot of weird looks.  One guy stopped me and said that it wasn't right!  Haha.

It feels great to start walking again, even if it's heavily assisted on crutches.  It feels impossible to walk barefoot.  I don't know when I will be able to do that again, but I don't want to attempt it any time soon.   From what I have read on other blogs, that may take a while!  For now I am just happy I can have two feet on the ground.

Surgery....Take Two

I had my second surgery on October 13th, two days ago, to remove two pins from my 4th and 5th metatarsals.

I went in for my 12 weeks check-up appointment (it actually was 13 weeks but who's counting?) to see Dr. Van Boeurm at TOSH.  It was standard procedure, I was taken back to the exam room, whisked off down the hall for x-rays and back to the exam room to wait for the doctor.  Getting to be an old pro at this, really.  While waiting, I could hear my doctor on the phone arguing with LDS Hospital.  He apparently had ordered an MRI for one of his other patients and even though the order requested an MRI for the whole foot, they only did half of it.  He was pretty upset.  I felt bad for the patient, because he'd come in to TOSH to review his MRI with my doctor but now couldn't see him because of the mix up.  He was limping around the office too, so I can't imagine how frustrating that would have been.

I soon saw my doctor and he reviewed my x-rays.  All looked good, so he confirmed that we were on for surgery the next day.  He must of read my chart wrong, because he said that after surgery that I would be put back in the boot and continue non-weight bearing because protocol is 12 weeks from the procedure.  I was like HOLD ON A MINUTE!  It's been 13 weeks!  And then he reviewed the chart and confirmed I was correct.  He instructed me to make an appointment with Stephanie (my physical therapist) on Monday to start weight bearing at 25%!  Wahoo!  I asked if I could put weight on the foot before seeing Stephanie, and he said if I could figure out how to get to 25% by using the scale, he was fine with it.

I had my last meal, La Luna Mexican and Froyo from Yogurtland.  Quite unexciting, but it was delicious.  I called the surgery center and was told that I needed to check-in for surgery at 11:30 at the hospital.  My previous surgery was at 9AM, so I thought this was a little late and it would suck waiting that long to eat or drink.  Within the hour, a nurse called me back and said that there was a last minute change to the surgery schedule and that I'd been pushed back to 1PM.    1PM?!  That was really going to suck.  Also, my husband is going to a Java programming class Tuesday - Thursday nights + Saturdays.  I was hoping that he would still be able to go to school once he got me home from surgery but this would be cutting it close.

I also hadn't clipped my toenails since the injury.  I just let em grow.....  It totally scared Nate.  But I finally clipped them before surgery, the last thing I did on Monday night.

I got checked in, mostly on time.  They took me back and got my vitals.  Several things upset me.  I haven't had access to a scale in almost 3 months, and I used to weigh myself everyday.  I couldn't really get up on the scale anymore by myself so I just stopped weighing altogether.  I still was tracking my calories everyday on MyFitnessPal, and my exercise calories (which I burn about 600 per session, 4 times a week.)  I thought I actually may have lost weight through all of this, but nope!  I hopped on the scale to see I had gained almost 15 pounds.  I'm not quite sure how that is possible; I've definitely struggled with my weight in the past leading up to the injury but I didn't see this one coming.  I'd been going to a nutritionist at St. Mark's Hospital for almost 7 months prior to my injury and we still could not figure out how to get my body to lose weight.  So that was kind of like a dagger in my heart.  Then, the nurse took my vitals.  My blood pressure was way high.  I'm normally about 110, and I was over 140.  Then, she said my oxygen was low and my heart rate was too high (I was at 134bpm just sitting in the hospital bed).  Ugh.  What has my body done to itself??

I saw my head nurse, Laura, who went over all of my paperwork and medication history with me.  She also started me on an IV of liquid Tylenol.  Dr. Van Boerum and some of his partners believe doing this before surgery helps with dulling the pain receptors and can be beneficial in minimizing post-op pain.  That's kind of cool.  I also had to kind of explain a lot about how my NuvaRing works, so that was kind of embarrassing.  She was trying to get a gauge on the last time I had taken all of my medications and when we got to NuvaRing it became quite challenging.  I don't take it.  I put it in my vagina, and then I take it out of my vagina.  The End.

There was a whiteboard up this time with all the names of my various doctors.  Helpful, because last time they just all got called Ashley.  My expected surgery time was now 2:50PM.  Do they KNOW I haven't eaten since midnight last night?  Yes, they knew.  I asked.  Mega bitch was starting to emerge in all her glory.

I met with my head nurse, my admitting nurse, my OR nurse, and then finally my doctor.  He had me right "Yes" on the foot that needed to be operated on.  He also explained how he would be removing the pins.  The pin on the 4th metatarsal would need an incision about an inch long and a couple of stitches.  The pin over my 5th metatarsal (the one going vertical and I can feel it sticking out on the bottom of my foot...gross) was being removed in a much more barbaric fashion.  He said that basically they were going to put pressure on the skin around that pin until it popped through, then they would just pull it out with the pliers.  Why tell me that lol?  The good news is I won't need stitches for that method, it'll just literally be a poke hole.

 It felt like we waited FOREVER.  We were watching hospital TV and every damned commercial was for pizza, or sandwiches or buffalo wings.  Blergh!!!  Nate was playing the role of supportive husband, so, he also decided to fast right along with me.  I pleaded with him not to do it; no reason for us to both be cranky bitches.

Finally, it was time, around 3:30.  The last person to see me was my anesthesiologist.  He pumped my IV with "relaxation drugs", I said goodbye to Nate and off we went in my wheelchair down to the surgery room.  It was just as I had remembered, freezing cold.  I hopped up on the surgery table, they strapped me in and my anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask over my face.  He told me to take some deep breaths, and assured me that it was just oxygen.  That's the last thing I remember.  Was it really just oxygen?  Probably not, that bastard.

I woke up in the recovery room, to very minimal pain in the foot.  I felt pretty anxious though.  I have a really bad case of panic disorder which is mostly controlled, but I think they just had me on so many drugs, I felt like I do when I feel a panic attack coming on.  I was also thirsty, so the nurse brought me a cup of ice cold water.  I didn't stay in recovery very long, within a few minutes they brought Nate in, and within a half hour I was discharged.  They delivered my prescription pain meds to me bedside (nice!) and the nurse told me I should be good to go for a while because they'd given me a full shot of morphine right before I woke up.  Sweet.  But also not sweet, because I was super anxious.  But not in any pain.  The nurse gave me some Lorna shortbread cookies as we wheeled out to the car.  It was 5:30 now, and I knew Nate was not going to make it to school.

On the way home we got McDonald's and ice cream!  I was so excited to eat.  But I had to take it really slow so I didn't puke it back up.  I also immediately came home and started drinking my "poop juice" (aka Metamucil) because I remembered how horrible it was from the last surgery.  I settled in the my bed/nest on the couch and just drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few hours.  We are currently marathoning "Heroes" and I think I may have missed an episode or two.

So far, recovery hasn't been that bad.  It is different from the first surgery for sure.  First of all, this surgery took approx 40 minutes, where as my first surgery was almost 3 hours.  I only needed a light amount of anesthesia to keep me out during the procedure and it was not as deep as it was before.  I was not groggy for very long after waking up.  I also had been freaking out about pain.  Right before surgery my doctor said that if I rated the first surgery pain as 80/100 (which yes, it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced) than this surgery would be somewhere around 4/100.  I still expected a lot of pain, but when I woke up, I didn't really feel much.  After the morphine wore off, my foot started feeling pretty sore, so I took a pain pill or two and it was cleared right up.  I think the most challenging parts of surgery #2 are not pain related.  I have a whomping headache, brain fog, fatigue, nausea... all of that fun stuff.

So, I'm pretty excited about all this progress.  I get to meet with Stephanie on Monday for a weight bearing session.  I was also instructed to by my doctor to get these shoe inserts (Superfeet) for arch support when I start weight bearing in the boot.  He says they are the one of the highest quality over the counter inserts you can get.

The Final Countdown

It's less than one week until my surgery!  I've just been trying to keep myself distracted and hoping that the time passes quickly.  I've already done my pre-registration and pre-admissions prep & paperwork, so all I need to do is show up on the 13th with an empty tummy and a urine sample.  Because again, I need to prove that I am not pregnant!

I do have an appointment on the 12th, which will be my final check up.  I am actually 13 weeks post-op, and the plan was to have this surgery at 12 weeks, but my doctor was out of town last week.  He will take some x-rays and validate that enough healing has occurred to remove the two pins going across the 4th and 5th metatarsals, which are holding the cuboid and cuneiform bones in alignment.  I will still have the screws over my 1st and 2nd metatarsals and in the plate on my navicular.  I will need another surgery in about a month to remove those, unless something changes on Monday at my appointment.

I'm so ready for this surgery.  Words can't explain how done I am with the NWB and scooter life.  The past 3 months are about to be behind me for good!

These days, I feel like everything hurts BUT my foot.  Mainly on my left side.  I still have pain in my left ankle that I sprained in the fall, but it's not nearly as bad as it was.  It feels like it might be getting better, but the progress has been really slow.  I've also got this really annoying pain in my left hip.  It's sore all of the time now, and it feels a lot like my IT band at times and radiates around my pelvis and glutes.  I no doubt have been putting a lot of strain on my left side and it has had to overcompensate.  I am balancing all of my weight on my left side a lot, like when I stand still on my scooter, or when I am hopping around unassisted.   I hope that is what has been causing that pain, and I hope that when I start to walk normally it will work itself out once the muscles are being used as they are intended to.  I'm just trying not to worry about that right now, and just get myself healed from the next surgery.

I'm not entirely sure what to expect from a hardware removal surgery.  I've read other blogs and talked to others who have had it, and it seems like everyone is different in the healing process.  I know that it won't be nearly as painful as my initial surgery, but I'm still being put under anesthesia, going under the knife and getting stitches.  It will take about 10 days before I am healed enough to have the stitches removed, and be allowed to bear weight.  I'm curious how my body will respond to this 2nd surgery.  I know the 1st surgery was much more traumatic, but it was pain like I have never experienced in my life!  Once the pain subsided, I got horrible dizzy spells for a couple of weeks after, and standing upright for any length of time resulted in waves of nausea and feeling faint.  I'm hoping that doesn't happen again.  I also ran out of energy really quickly.  Simple tasks of showering or going to the bathroom felt like massive feats.  So, I guess I'll wait and see this time around.  Luckily, I have some banked sick time at work!

The Utes are getting ESPN College Game Day this weekend for their game vs. Cal, and I have every intention of tailgating and going into the stadium again!  This could very well be my last game as a gimp.  There is a game next weekend, but I have no idea how my body will be reacting after surgery and if I'll feel well enough to go.  If I'm still taking pain meds and/or getting my dizzy spells, I am making the smart choice and parking my ass on the couch!   Also wait and see.  If not, we have another home game on Halloween and I'll be for sure ready to go by then!  I've even got my Halloween costume picked out, and hopefully I'm able to walk by myself, even if it is in a walking boot.

Nate's been lecturing me about not trying to push it too much while I am on the home stretch.  I was working on my pull ups the other day; I've pretty much lost all of my gains there.  I was telling him about it and explaining how I had to kip up to get any leverage.  I got a nice "talking to" about not kipping and how our marriage might just be in jeopardy if I managed to injure or break anything else just weeks away from being healed.  I did listen to him (a little).

Surgery is so close, I can almost taste it!  I wonder what surgery tastes like?  Probably like copper.

Nerd Rage

It is hard to believe that it has been a whole 3 months since my Lisfranc injury.  3 months since breaking my foot and shattering my navicular, and 11 weeks since the surgery to repair the damage.

People are definitely starting to notice that I've been on my scooter for a long time now.  If it feels like a long time to someone else, you can only imagine how it feels for me.  I get a lot of "How much longer are you going to be on that thing??"  I do a lot of explaining of why this particular injury is so bad and why I have to be completely non-weight bearing for as long as I have.  I still think most people don't understand.  I actually spend a lot of my day meeting strangers and talking to them about my injury.  Nate and I have a running joke of how many people will stop me while running errands and want to chat.  We've never made it one time out in public where at least 1 person didn't chat me up about my scooter or my injury.

The tops of my toes are. still. numb.  I'm hoping that gets better, the doctor said I should get the feeling back once the nerves start to normalize down there.  My range of motion continues to get better.  I'm working on my ankle pumps and marble exercises every day.  I found a new pain sensation as well.  I whacked my exposed foot on one of the wheels on my scooter.  I hit it right where my navicular plate is.  It didn't feel like bone, or muscle pain.  It was a pinching sensation of my skin getting caught between a piece of metal and the rubber exterior of my scooter wheel.  That's new!

The past week has been a bit of an emotional struggle because there were a couple of things I had planned for last weekend that never got to happen because of my injury.

I was supposed to be traveling to San Diego and completing my Spartan Trifecta.  For those of you not familiar with that, there's 3 types of Spartan Races:  Sprint (3+ miles, 20+ obstacles), Super (8+ miles, 25+ obstacles), and Beast (13+ miles, 30+ obstacles).  If you complete each type of race in a calendar year, you receive a Trifecta medal.  I completed my Sprint in February in Arizona, my Super in Salt Lake in June, and had my sights set on the Beast in San Diego (well, Temecula) in September.  It was my fitness goal for the year.  I set one every year.  And not only was it my goal, it was Nate's too, so I am the direct cause of him not being able to complete his Trifecta either and that does make me feel pretty horrible.  But... 2 outta 3 ain't so bad.

The second thing was something that played to my inner geek and stabbed me like a Morgul-blade through the heart.  I missed the Salt Lake Comic Con!  Last year, Nate and I went all-out.  We stayed downtown close to the convention center, so we could get up early and stay out late while getting our geek on.  We decked ourselves out in cosplay; he dressed as Dr. Krieger, from the Archer series, and I went as his virtual anime girlfriend.  We bought VIP passes, took pictures with Manu Bennett, Stephen Amell, and went to every Geekshow panel.  

This year, the Con was bigger and better, and had several actors from Captain America:  Chris Evans (Captain America himself!), Sebastian Stan (Bucky/Winter Soldier). Anthony Mackie (The Falcon) and my very own girlfriend Hayley Atwell (Agent Peggy Carter)!!  I was most bummed about missing Hayley.  I was so frustrated, sad, and angry that I couldn't attend my beloved Con.  But going this year just wasn't practical with my injury.  I'd probably need a wheelchair to get around, and the convention gets really crowded with people so that would have made navigating super hard.  I loved going to all the panels, and finding a spot to fit both me, Nate & the wheelchair would have been kind of challenging.  

I had to stay off Instagram and Facebook for a large part of the weekend, because between that and seeing all of the Spartan posts from California, I was getting pretty upset.  We are determined to make up for lost time next year instead!  My ever supportive husband informed me that this is what I looked like scrolling through Comic Con Instagram feeds this weekend:

Aside from having these emotional outbursts this week, honestly, the 3 months really hasn't been as bad as I'd imagined in my head when I got my initial diagnosis.  I thought I'd be stuck on the couch without a life.  Turns out that wasn't quite the case!  Yes, I'm still on the couch and out of commission more than I'd like to be, but I am doing so much more than I thought that I'd be able to.  I cook.  I clean.  I run errands with my husband.  I go tailgating.  I go to football games.  I workout 4-5 times a week.  I've added 25lbs to my bench press. I go to work.  I go to fancy wine and cheese parties at my friend's house. So while I'm not completely independent and there are still things I can't do, there are plenty of things that I can!

Only 2 more weeks until surgery!

I've Lost My Marbles!

Ten weeks post-op!  And I had another physical therapy session!

I went to see Stephanie (my lisfranc physical therapist) again, and she was really excited for my progress!  My swelling is down a half centimeter in my right ankle, which she assures me is a really big number, as far as feet and ankles go, after seeing my reaction of sheer disappointment.  I'm only 1 cm off from leftie.  Yay!  She also measured my range of motion on my right foot, and I've improved 14 degrees.  14 is a much bigger number that I can get behind.  I've been working diligently on my ankle pumps.

Then, I got a set of new exercises to do for the next few weeks leading up to my 2nd surgery to remove the pins.  My favorite is picking up marbles with my toes (video below)!  My toes were super, super stiff at first but they gradually loosened up and I could pick up more and more marbles with my piggies.  I tested out leftie to see how she'd perform picking up the marbles and she was an old pro.  One day righty will catch up.  Also, marbles are hard to find in stores so I had to get them from Amazon!

My new list of exercises includes 2 hamstring strengtheners and a harder clam stretch.  I definitely am feeling the burn of an unused hamstring when attempting the exercises.  I trust and will obey anything my physical therapist tells me, so she thought that she was hilarious when she told me to crutch over to the treadmill, and then informed me that we will be doing some walking this session.  A look of sheer terror must have came over my face because she grabbed my arm and said, "Just kidding!"  Ha ha.. very funny Stephanie :)  Although I am looking forward to the day that we are able to get up on the treadmill and walk for the first time.  She did give me something to look forward to, however.  She said that the day I get my stitches out from my hardware removal surgery, she will see me back to back from that appointment with Dr. Van Boerum. And, we'll start putting weight on the foot that day!

I also had been having some nagging nasty pain over the top of my foot since getting my stitches out a few weeks ago.  I assumed that it was one of my screws or pins irritating the area and that it would go away once I got them removed.  But, the pain wakes me up frequently in the night, and I take my boot off and massage the area and stretch.  I also can only keep my boot on for a couple of hours during the day before the pain strikes and I need to take it off, massage and stretch.  When I told Stephanie this, she immediately knew the problem, left the room, and came back with a circular piece of foam.  She cut a hole in the center.  She had me point to the spot where the pain was the worst; it was not hard to miss as it was red, angry and puffy.  She placed the foam pad on top of my foot and centered that spot in the hole she had cut, and then had me fasten my boot as normal.  THAT FIXED EVERYTHING.  It turns out that my boot strap was just severely irritating that part of my foot and there was a tiny part of my incision that was not healing because of it.  Since she hooked me up with that extra padding, I have not had an ounce of pain! (at least not in that spot - it still hurts when I bang it around and I'm not careful with it lol) 

Also, last weekend, I was able to make it INTO the stadium for the Utes game!  It actually was much easier than I anticipated, thanks to the help of the hubby and my mom.  I tailgated for several hours beforehand, making sure to ply my body with plenty of alcohol incase it was a bad experience, but not too much, since I didn't want to have to use the bathroom during the middle of the game.  That was what I was most anxious about actually.  My friend had a great idea though, for future use maybe.  He suggested I wear Depends or some sort of adult diaper. 

We got to the stadium very early, about an hour before kick-off, so that I'd have plenty of time to get into the stadium and up to my seat, without encountering too much of a crowd.  It was a complete success.  The floor inside was nice and smooth with no cracks at all so I cruised along on Trumpy ringing my bell at people that got in my way.  I couldn't believe it actually worked and people got out of my way as I was rolling by!  Usually I do that just for the humor aspect.  Anyway, Nate helped me up the 35 rows to my bleacher seat, and much to my delight, there were people cheering me on in the stands as I hopped.  

"Way to go girl!"  "That's dedication!"  "That girl is still going to the game... awesome!"

I scooted on my butt along the bleachers to my seat, while Nate went back down and he and my mom took Trumpy to Guest Services to hang out until the game was over.  It was the 9/11 tribute game, so there were 3 paratroopers that dived onto the field before the start.  So awesome.  The only problem I had during the game, is when something exciting was happening, everyone stood up.  It completely blocked my view of the field and the jumbotron, so I had to ask what was happening every time.  But, that was the worst of it!  The Utes won over Utah State, and I DIDN'T have to go to the bathroom the whole time!  Despite of all that tequila I drank...

We waited a few minutes for the crowd to clear, and Nate left to retrieve Trumpy from Guest Services.  My mom stayed behind with me.  I didn't really want to hop down the stairs, so I used my l33t tricep dipping skills to dip myself down 35 rows of bleachers to the entrance.  I hopped on my scooter and off we went out the exit.  I had a group of guys following close behind me because I was going pretty fast, and people were scrambling out of the way for me to pass, and they used me as a crowd clearer.  At least I'm good for something!

I had a ton of fun, my team won, and there were no casualties.

Although, Trumpy was left unsupervised in a room full of other mobility assistance devices at Guest Services during the game.  Who knows what kind of trouble he got into.....

Lisfranc In the News

Lisfranc injuries have been getting a lot of attention this week in Utah because Taysom Hill (the quarterback for BYU) is now out for the season with said injury.

Let me start off by saying that I'm a Utes fan, but I really feel horrible for Taysom and wouldn't wish the injury on my worst enemies. Except maybe Tom Brady.  No, not even him.  I'm no collegiate athlete either, but who knows if he'll be able to come back from this injury and be able to perform at his same level?  It's very sad.

A co-worker of mine told me to look on the bright side one day when I was down.  He'd told me, "If you were a professional athlete, your career would be over!"  Thanks?  I guess that is one way to look at it.  I'm not a professional athlete.  I can still have my career.  

I've been seeing a lot of questioning on social media on why this injury would end a season, and even a career.  Most people think that it's just a foot sprain, you can rub some dirt on it, and be good to go.   That just shows how little the world (aka normal people) have no clue about this injury or how serious it really is.  You have no idea, unless you've actually gone through it, or someone very close to you has.

Gionni Paul (a linebacker for the Utes) recently reached out to Taysom on social media, as he too suffered through this injury.  There's an intense rivalry between BYU and Utah, players and fans alike, so to see Gionni offer support was heartwarming to me.  This injury has a way of bonding people together that have had it, because we're all going through the same hell, or have gone through it.  I'd be willing to talk to anyone, or help anyone, at any stage along the way, tell them about my experiences, my ups and downs.  Hopefully one day, I'll be able to tell people that I once had this injury; I recovered, it's now in the past, and I'm a stronger person because of it.

I'm grateful for the care I'm receiving at TOSH.  Even though I'm slightly mad at my doctor for slicing me open, pumping me full of metal and sidelining me for 3 months.

This week has also had some frustrations though.  I'm really sick of not walking.  My foot, for the most part, feels "great".  By great, I mean it feels mostly normal.  I know there's pins and plates and screws in there, but I can take off my boot, wiggle my toes, flex my foot back and forth without much pain now.  I. just. want. to. WALK.  Not run, or ride a bike, or swim, or anything.  I just want to stand on my own two feet and take a couple of unassisted steps. It's astonishing to think I haven't walked in almost 3 months.  I've got just over a month left until that second surgery to get the pins out that are preventing me from bearing weight.  

I'm sick of people having to take care of me, and trying to do things for me.  My husband knows this, and he knows if I truly need something I will ask for it.  I'm stubborn and will try to do most things on my own, even if it takes me four times as long to do it.  Like cooking, or dishes, or trying to get things off the top shelf in the cabinet.  I only ask for help if it's truly something I cannot do.  Or, for those times when I've spent a half hour getting ready for bed, undress, climb in, turn the light off and lay down, and realize I've forgotten to do something.  My husband's the best at helping me with those moments.  It feels like people are in my face sometimes with their helpfulness.  While I appreciate the offers of help from others, I can do things on my own.  I'm a pro.  I got this.

And this might be an embarrassing topic, but this is my journal and voice to the world, but I totally do not feel sexy.  At all.   This is probably the thing that gets me down the most.  How can I feel sexy when I'm rolling around on a scooter?  How can I possibly be attractive to my husband in any sense?    "Hey Baby, wanna get with me and my boot? ;)"    I used to love getting dressed up and going out on a Friday or Saturday evening, decked out in my cutest dress and my sexy Louboutin heels.  But now, it's all about which yoga pants are the most comfortable and which tennis shoes are going to give me the most support for my left leg.  I haven't worn a pair of jeans or really anything cute since my injury.  My clothes have to be practical and comfortable, and sexy does not fit into that category.   I also feel like a blob.  I'm still working out and eating right, but  I just feel... puffy.  Not like myself.  I was looking at my ass in the mirror at the gym yesterday, and my butt is just not as cute and perky.  I haven't squatted, deadlifted or lunged in 3 months, so its just flabby and droopy.  My shoulders and arms are for sure filling out though....maybe a little too much.

I just want to feel like myself again.

Just Do It

8 weeks post-op this week!!  

I got the cutest card from my co-workers in the mail.  Cheered me up for sure!

If I'd had a less severe Lisfranc injury, I think I'd be able to start bearing weight this week.  But that damn little navicular had to get in the way of my potential!  It is the reason I am still not walking yet.  I guess that's what happens when you shatter it into 11 different pieces.

That's OK though, I still have had a week of progress so I can't really complain.  I've been doing my range of motion PT and it's to the point now where the foot is not really stiff anymore (at least when attempting those exercises).  My therapist said when I am pointing and flexing my toes that I should try to point and curl them like a ballerina as much as I can.  

So in my mind I visualize I look like this: 

                                             

                                          When in reality I look like this:

                                                                                  

Meh.

I also successfully made my goal of going in to the salon and getting my hair done.  I had been so nervous about it because I was just afraid how I was going to navigate on my scooter.  Turns out though, it was really easy!  I'm much more pro on my scooter than I give myself credit for.  I had to get into the chair once, out for a wash, and then back into the chair.  I shouldn't have been so nervous about it because I conquered it like a boss.  My hair stylist, who is FABULOUS by the way, gave me a stool to elevate my foot, and then I just sat there for a couple of hours while she played with my hair.  I got it darker for fall, and felt like I needed a change since I myself am going through so many changes in my life.

Bam!  I love this new color!

I am starting to use my crutches a little more.  I keep them down in my basement for when I go down there to workout in the home gym, so that I don't have to butt scoot around.  I've found that I'm about 100 times better on the crutches than I was when I first injured myself.  I guess I'm just really comfortable hopping around on my left leg, and I'm sure that it's super strong now so I can do a lot more with it.  I'm not going to use them as my primary mode of mobility but there are definitely nice to have around now that I'm not so afraid of them.

Perhaps the most exciting thing this week was the opening college football game of my Utah Utes against Michigan! Spoiler: the Utes won :)

(me and one of my best girls, Aimee - who made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies JUST FOR ME!... love her)

I have season tickets, but was really worried about having to hop up to my seat on the 35th row of the stadium.  So, we decided not to attend this game, but it didn't stop me from tailgating!  I got to get 12 hours of good, clean & dirty tailgating in my system.  I saw lots of friends.  Ate lots of food.  And drank lots of booze.  The only challenge was getting in to the port-a-potty on my own, so I needed help with that, but otherwise I just sat in my lawn chair with the foot elevated on my scooter.  People brought me food and drink as I requested it.  The port-a-potty trips definitely got more challenging as the night went on, the sun set, and I consumed more and more alcohol.   I have a light on my scooter so that helped.  At one point, it was so dark, that Nate lifted my scooter up and shined the light into the port-a-potty window for me so that I could see what I was doing.  How sweet is he?

It was the most depressing thing to see all of the other patrons heading to the game!  I met a couple of other people in casts, and one guy who had a boot like me, and was being pushed by friends in a wheelchair.  So, I'm determined to go to the game next week, and actually go inside the stadium to watch the game instead of from the tailgate lot.  I also bought some cute new boot accessories to decorate with my team colors.  

(my "Ute Boot")

YEAH!!  Go Utes!

I think I'd say to anyone out there reading this, debating on whether or not to do something with your broken foot (like go to a game, or a hair salon, or visit friends, or a road trip, or what have you)...my advice is to JUST DO IT!  It's so worth it in the end.  I immediately regretted selling my tickets once I got to the tailgate and found how much I was able to move around and do things (even if I required help).  I am done putting my life on hold or settling for less just because I've got a Lisfranc injury!