But, I do have a sad. I miss running. Maybe it's the fact that it is so close to my year anniversary of my accident, and I'm thinking about it more. I've reconciled long ago my severed relationship with running and thought it was all behind me. But lately I have been craving the solace of the open road ahead with music blaring in my ears. Clearing my mind completely, focusing on my breathing and my stride, lungs burning, and getting that sweet endorphin rush that comes with a long run. Right now, I don't remember how I also use to hate it! It has been hard to even hear songs that come up on my iPod that used to be on my running playlist. I sometimes ride my stationary bike, close my eyes, and just imagine that I am running... Walking just ain't the same.
Nate has also been prepping for Ragnar this weekend (and I'm helping to organize and plan...putting my project management skills to practical use!) and before my accident, the plan was always to run it in 2016. A week later, everything changed, and that was no longer the plan. I wanted to train to walk it (fast) but recovery wasn't quite as fast as I'd hoped and I'm not ready for that. I think I could do one leg, but probably would be too sore to attempt 2 or even 3. Plus, who wants a girl that can't run on their Ragnar team? No one.
So, I'll be there cheering on. Trying to smile and not to think about how I could be out there running too, if I'd just held on to that stupid obstacle and not changed my life forever. I want to see Nate cross the finish line. Ugh. I am so down about this right now and I don't want to think about it anymore. I thought I was fine! I want to be able to just not think about my foot anymore. Or stop getting into situations where I feel like, "Oh crap, can I do this?" Like an unexpected staircase. Or worse, one without railings. Not being able to reach something, and being unable to jump or come up on my tippy toes. Or a sudden drop off/curb, where I have to figure out how to land. Or my extreme fear of heights now, or stumbling and falling. Also, I wish people would stop asking about why I'm limping or when is my foot going to "heal" because it's been so long! It's a long story. But, I guess that is to be expected. I'll have ups and downs forever, and I've been really great with how things are for the last few months!
On a more positive note, I've been "practicing" walking barefoot more often. I miss
I've also been gifted with the precog of when a storm is coming. I feel it. In my booonnes. On Friday, I was in horrible foot pain, to the point of tears at work. More frustration than pain tears - like "why am I hurting so bad, this is not normal." A huge storm rolled in that night. And the next day the foot was all better.
I do still feel grateful of all the things that I can still do, and that I'm still progressing on things almost a year later. I'll get through this little rough patch. I enjoy when I get to go hiking (as long as the weather cooperates!) and I just get better each time I go. I'm a little intimidated to go with normal people. I feel self-conscious about how slow I am, especially on the descents and my husband is a patient man.
It will be a year since my injury on 6/27. I haven't quite figured out how I am going to tackle that day. Mourn? Celebrate? Cry to myself while eating a cupcake? Break my other lisfranc?