Spectator

I've had quite an eventful couple of weeks!

I went in for a check-up at TOSH last Monday.  Doctor visits are always hard for me because it is a reminder of just how bad my injury was, and how life-changing it has been for me.

I got a set of x-rays taken, and everything appears to be lined up properly and healing well.  My bones are still not quite as strong as they were before, and it will just take time to build back the bone density.  Otherwise, the x-rays looked great and there were no major issues that could be seen.  The doctor did say that he could see evidence of very mild arthritis through my midfoot already, but it was nothing to be concerned about at this point.

I am still having quite a bit of pain and stiffness in my big toe.  There wasn't anything on the x-ray that could point to the cause.  The doctor examined my foot, and he thinks that it is just stress on the foot after not using it for so long.  He said to continue with my plantar fascia stretches, and to also work calf stretches in, by hanging my right heel off a step and dropping it down.  I also still cannot really come up on my toes at all on my right foot, and the doctor said that that is usually one of the last things to come back.

I was also given clearance to start weaning out of my Superfeet.  I have been wearing those inserts for arch support ever since I started weight-bearing, so I've become quite accustomed to them.  But, my arch has built up enough strength now to be able to support my foot on it's own, so I can begin to phase them out.  I wore a pair of boots to the grocery store over the weekend without them, and I didn't really notice too much of a difference - other than there was a lot more room in my shoe!  Walking barefoot has certainly gotten a lot easier; it's not my favorite thing to do, but at least I can stand walking around on it a bit after I get out of the shower without running for my shoes first thing.

I got the standard set of instructions for the next 4 months until my next appointment:  low or no impact exercises, a stiff supportive shoe, and monitor for pain.  The next time I see the doctor will be the 1 year post-op mark.  

I also took another trip last weekend, to Phoenix.  The hubby was doing the Spartan Race, and I signed up to be a Spectator, so I could watch him compete.  It was HOT down there - 90 degrees - compared to about 50 here in Salt Lake.  I had a lot of mixed emotions about him doing the race, though.  We had an agreement that I would NOT cry the entire trip or there would be consequences.  It was incredibly hard though, because every fiber of my being wanted to be out there with him running the race.  He was also running it by himself, and that made me so nervous for him, and I felt bad I could not be his support.  But, as a Spectator, I still was able to see him quite a bit on the course.  They block off an area for "spectators" in the main festival area, and you are able to see about 6 of the obstacles.  But, there were 22 of them in the race!  

I don't do well with "rules" so after he took off from the start line, I started my own race around the course to find him and cheer him on! I had a course map and an iPod.  I was really surprised at how my foot held up during my escapades.  I was climbing hills and walking around with no real pain, or problems!  Descending was another story - although it was mostly psychological.  I didn't have the confidence or trust in my foot when I was coming down a steep hill, so it was very slow, and steady.  But, I made it, with no falls!  I trekked my way to 6 obstacles (Over-Wall, Rope Climb, Herculean Hoist, Rolling Mud, Barbed Wire Crawl, Bucket Brigade), plus the 8 in the designated area.  So, I got to see him do over half of the race!!  I took pictures and provided vital nutrients such as Gatorade and water.

I also watched him tackle the obstacle that caused my injury!  It was nerve-wracking and really hard to watch, (and exponentially harder not to cry while watching), but he conquered it like a boss.  He later admitted that he was shaking the whole time, and that he had "words" with the obstacle.

He finished the race (mostly) injury free!

And I didn't cry!

The FrankenFoot Strikes Back

I've been so busy with the holidays these past couple of weeks, I wasn't able to blog last week!  But, all of the presents are wrapped, dinner is served, and the house is clean, and I found myself with some time to blog on Christmas Eve.  Wahoo!

I had surgery 9 days ago, on December 15th, to remove the remainder of my temporary hardware, which ended up being two screws.  I've done this surgery twice now, so it almost felt routine.  I called and got my surgery time the day before, which was 1:00 again.  The exact same time as the last surgery.  I was disappointed because it was so late in the day, and I was pretty miserable last time, since I'm not allowed to eat past midnight.  I asked the doctor's office, and they said that he liked to schedule the easier surgeries later in the day because he has a tendency to get behind on some of the harder surgeries.  And even though I was coming in pretty late at 1:00, I wasn't the last surgery for the day  That poor, poor soul behind me.

As I was getting ready the morning of surgery, at about 10:00, TOSH called me and wanted me to come in right away for surgery because there was an opening on the schedule.  They asked how long I'd be, and I'd told them about a half hour, just long enough to drive to the surgical center.  I scrambled to get dressed and get my stuff together.  As we were walking out the door, my phone rang again and I saw it was the doctor's office.  The nurse explained that there was a change and they would no longer need me to come in early, so I should just come at my regularly scheduled time of 1:00.  Dammit!  I'd had my hopes up of getting done early only to be smashed into little pieces.

So, I waited..and waited, and finally went to the hospital to check-in for surgery at 1.  Same routine at always, as soon as I was taken back, the nurse took a set of vitals, I changed into my sexy hospital drape, and gave a urine sample to prove I wasn't pregnant and was OK for surgery.  I met a flurry of nurses and doctors, had my IV started with liquid tylenol, and gave my name and birthdate about a dozen times.  Luckily my admitting nurse, who went over my medication history with me, knew what a NuvaRing was so I was saved of that embarrassing conversation this time.  I finally got to see Dr. Van Boerum right before surgery.  He wrote a YES on my right foot, and then started explaining to me how he has a set of tools and all kinds of gadgets to get my screws removed.  He totally creeped me out again....please just take my screws out; I don't need to know the details!  They were also letting me take home my screws this time!  The hospital didn't allow me to take home my pins from my last surgery because they were too sharp and were a liability.  Whatever.  

The last person I saw before surgery was my anesthesiologist a little after 3.  Instead of being hauled in a wheelchair, I walked by myself back to the surgery room!  It was cold.  I hopped up on the table.  They put a warm blanket on me.  I heard someone say that in 10 or 15 seconds I would be sleepy.  I was then waking up in the recovery room.  When I woke up from the last surgery, I had zero pain, but lots of anxiety thanks to a huge shot of morphine.  This time, when I woke up, no anxiety, but a pain level of about 4 - totally manageable.  I also could immediately feel relief in my foot from where the screws had been, no more pinching or pressure.  My recovery nurse gave me some ice water and honey graham crackers.  They both tasted amazing.  Shortly after, Nate and my mom joined me in the recovery room.  I felt nice and relaxed, and was quickly cleared to go home.  I laced up ye olde walking boot and started to get up and walk out. But, the nurse chased me down, made me get in the wheelchair and took me out to the parking lot.

There was a lot more pain and discomfort with this round of surgery than I expected with the next few days that followed.  Removing the screws is a little more involved than removing the pins.  My incisions are bigger, and my foot/tendons/bones were a lot sorer than last time.  I needed to take more pain medication than I wanted to or thought that I would need.  That led to the uncomfortable side effect of opioids on the digestive system. I finally started to feel better about 5 days after surgery.

One thing I didn't the surgery stop me from doing, was seeing Star Wars on opening night!  I had all of these grand plans to dress up as a sith version of Ahsoka Tano.  But, quite frankly, I felt miserable and taking a shower and getting myself ready completely exhausted me.  The thought of trying to put on a costume and paint my face seemed too daunting.  So, I didn't end up going in costume.  I was disappointed about that, and wish I'd felt better that night for the movie.  I still went though, and it was AWESOME and I am so glad that I went, even doped up on various pills, in a boot, and in some nagging pain.   I actually have seen it 2 times since, when I was feeling better!  And Rey.  She.  Is.  Amazing.    She is such a strong female character.  She inspires me to be a bad ass.  Cool girls don't look at explosions.

I will go back in to the doctor next week to get my stitches removed.  I was told not to remove my dressing until I saw the doctor again, but, full disclosure, I took it off already.  It was fraying, getting snagged on my boot, and there was no way that it was going to stay on for two weeks.  I've been in the boot during my waking hours ever since surgery, mainly to protect my incisions.  It's such a bummer since I've been used to walking in my tennis shoes for the last month.  But, once I see the doctor, I can swear off the boot for good!  Trumpy (my scooter) was placed in his final resting place this weekend.  The basement.  He was a good scooter and served me well.  

As for the hardware, this is what was inside my foot for 5 months.  Of what they let me take home anyway.  Just touching it and feeling it makes it hard to believe that this piece of metal was actually inside of me.  No wonder it was so painful.  I'm glad to be rid of it!

Getting Better

Last post, I was really frustrated with things.

This week, I feel a lot better.

I am definitely progressing and getting better at walking, and the pain is getting better as well.  I'm still not walking as fast I'd like to, but I can go a lot farther distances before I get uncomfortable, and it doesn't seem quite as daunting.  It still takes me a little bit to get going in the morning before my foot seems to "warm up" or after sitting for a long time.  Walking is starting to feel a bit more natural, but I still have a limp and I still can't roll from heel to toe in one fluid motion quite yet.  Balance is getting much better, especially after my last physical therapy session.  I've been doing squats on uneven ground, which translates into a set of discs (or pancakes), or a bosu ball or even two pillows.  I was really wobbly the first day but as each day goes by I am getting better at it, and sometimes I don't even need to hold on!

A couple of exciting (but little) things happened this week, too!  First, I was able to stand up for the entire duration of my shower.  I had a simple solution - I just moved my anti-slip mat into the shower stall and it gave me enough of the grip my right foot needed to feel steady.  So now I shower, and shave, like a normal person again!  There have also started to be moments where I am not actively thinking about my foot.  I found myself making dinner, going back and forth from the island, to the stove, to the fridge and I stopped in the middle of it, realizing I'd completely forgotten about the old foot.  It's almost like it was normal again.  That made me really happy, because ever since my injury, every time I was up moving around, or even moving in general, or trying to get comfortable on the couch, I was thinking about my foot.  Always conscious of it.  To have moments where I'm not even thinking about it, is amazing.

As I'm getting more active, however, the pain in my left side is roaring up again.  Most specifically in my hip and left thigh.  Time will tell if this is really something to worry about, or just a side effect of starting to use my muscles normally again.

I am going in for surgery on Tuesday the 15th for my final procedure to remove hardware.  I am pre-registered and ready to go!  I'm looking forward to having those screws GONE!  I called super early this time for surgery, hoping that it improves my chances of getting an earlier time.  I'm not sure that it matters, but I gave it a shot.  Not eating until 6PM the next day was not a pleasant experience and one I'd rather not have again.  I'll know the night before what time I'm expected to arrive at TOSH.

Other than the surgery, I have a couple of things to look forward to next week!  My last day working in 2015 is December 11th, then I am out on medical and paid time off until January.  I will have a nice long vacation to recover, relax, and enjoy the holidays with family.  Nate and I are going in for a delayed-anniversary couples massage on Sunday before my surgery, which I am very excited about.  They need to get in there.... DEEP.  Well, everywhere but my right foot of course!

And the thing I'm most looking forward to.....STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS!  I am going at 1 AM to see it in 3D IMAX on opening night.  I've been prepping with marathons of Episodes 1-6, all 6 seasons of The Clone Wars, the Star Wars Holiday Special, Fanboys, and the 2 new seasons of Star Wars Rebels.  I have a costume planned, however, it might not pan out because of stricter costume policies for movie theaters due to all of the recent events.  Which may or may not include face paint.  So much for my imagining of Ahsoka Tano as a young Sith apprentice!  I'll at least be able to pull off some leg bio-mechanics for a costume... since I'll be back in my boot (and most likely still doped up on pain meds) for the movie.  The anesthesia makes me incredibly emotional... so misa don't wanna see important character peoples that are gonna die.  Unless that includes Jar Jar.

Boot the Boot

Yesterday was my first day that I was allowed to be out of the boot all day!

I've been working on weaning out of the boot for the last week and a half or so.

I still don't walk "normally", or what I would consider normal anyway.  I think that will just take time.  I move pretty slow when walking, and I have a little bit of a limp.  As the day goes on my limp starts to get a little worse.  I can't say that walking is necessarily painful, but my foot feels stiff and a unnatural. I still have plenty of hardware inside my foot that I am sure is not helping.  I don't know how long it will take until things start to feel normal again, but I can say that I'm just happy to be walking.  My arch still isn't ready to support my barefoot, so I need to have shoes on, preferably with an insert, to do any walking around.  I have been trying to stand up more in the shower, rather than using my gimp stool, but my right foot still feels slippery on the tile.  Like my foot can't grip onto the smooth surface or something, so I still need to steady myself on the wall.

I did have a follow-up appointment this week at TOSH.  They took a set of x-rays, and this is the very first time I've taken a weight bearing x-ray on my right foot!  I was a bit sore afterwards, since I had to be barefoot and my foot is still not ready for that.  The doctor indicated that everything looked great, and had me schedule surgery on December 15th to remove the two screws.  I was very specific that the surgery not conflict with the new Star Wars movie release, since I already have purchased our midnight tickets on opening night!  He confirmed that my plate will stay in, mostly because the navicular bone does not get a lot of blood supply and taking it out may cause it to just crumble.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  Also, all of the screws will stay in the plate as well.  I guess I'd always just assumed that they would come out.  I can feel them, and it bugs me, but I'm sure after a while my foot will just get used to it's permanent guests.  There is also a screw head that is across my Lisfranc joint (at the base of my 1st and 2nd metatarsals) that is poking my inside arch.  It's been increasingly painful as I start to increase walking without the boot.  It has been really tender the last few days.  When I mentioned this to the doctor, he pressed down on the area to confirm it was the screw and not anything else.  My yelp confirmed that yep, it's the screw.  Ow.  It was so sore that day after he did that.  Jerk!  Lol.  I'm glad that screw will be removed in a couple of weeks.

Thankfully, I've got a lot of vacation time banked at work, and I will use most of it for my surgery and my holiday vacation.  My co-workers unfortunately won't be seeing me much in the month of December!

For Black Friday, Nate and I splurged a bit and purchased a spin bike for our basement gym.  Since I can't run, I actually couldn't even really walk for exercise right now, I wanted something at home that I could do for sustainable cardio.  I really have been limited to lifting weights with my Power Blocks, or my TRX.  While I love both of those,  I need to do cardio (says the extra 20lbs I've put on since surgery!) and that is not really an option with strength training.

Even when I can start walking enough to increase my heart rate enough to the point of cardio, let me remind you that it is winter in Utah.  Not only is the air freezing cold, and the ground icy, but we have this lovely thing called inversion, when the cold air gets trapped in the mountain valley, along with all the smog and pollution.  It's quite disgusting, and breathing the air outside is not pleasurable.  Most of January and February, when the inversion is at its worst, I struggle to breathe and often have horrible sinus issues. Exercising outside just makes it that much worse.  Here's an example of the lovely crap the Salt Lake Valley gets to deal with for the majority of the winter:

  
I also had a birthday this week!  I'm now at the ripe old age of 32.  Nate got me a gorgeous necklace
that holds my wedding ring, and took me on a hot date to Ruth's Chris where I had the most phenomenal surf & turf.

The last time I got fancied up was for our anniversary in August.  I was still on my scooter, non-weight bearing and I had to keep my foot elevated most of the time.  It was great to be able to go out without having "special needs" and I could be a normal girl for a night out on the town!  It also made me reflect on how tough this year has been on me (and Nate) and I am so grateful that I had my best friend by my side the entire time and I realize that I could not have made it through this without him.

Surgery....Take Two

I had my second surgery on October 13th, two days ago, to remove two pins from my 4th and 5th metatarsals.

I went in for my 12 weeks check-up appointment (it actually was 13 weeks but who's counting?) to see Dr. Van Boeurm at TOSH.  It was standard procedure, I was taken back to the exam room, whisked off down the hall for x-rays and back to the exam room to wait for the doctor.  Getting to be an old pro at this, really.  While waiting, I could hear my doctor on the phone arguing with LDS Hospital.  He apparently had ordered an MRI for one of his other patients and even though the order requested an MRI for the whole foot, they only did half of it.  He was pretty upset.  I felt bad for the patient, because he'd come in to TOSH to review his MRI with my doctor but now couldn't see him because of the mix up.  He was limping around the office too, so I can't imagine how frustrating that would have been.

I soon saw my doctor and he reviewed my x-rays.  All looked good, so he confirmed that we were on for surgery the next day.  He must of read my chart wrong, because he said that after surgery that I would be put back in the boot and continue non-weight bearing because protocol is 12 weeks from the procedure.  I was like HOLD ON A MINUTE!  It's been 13 weeks!  And then he reviewed the chart and confirmed I was correct.  He instructed me to make an appointment with Stephanie (my physical therapist) on Monday to start weight bearing at 25%!  Wahoo!  I asked if I could put weight on the foot before seeing Stephanie, and he said if I could figure out how to get to 25% by using the scale, he was fine with it.

I had my last meal, La Luna Mexican and Froyo from Yogurtland.  Quite unexciting, but it was delicious.  I called the surgery center and was told that I needed to check-in for surgery at 11:30 at the hospital.  My previous surgery was at 9AM, so I thought this was a little late and it would suck waiting that long to eat or drink.  Within the hour, a nurse called me back and said that there was a last minute change to the surgery schedule and that I'd been pushed back to 1PM.    1PM?!  That was really going to suck.  Also, my husband is going to a Java programming class Tuesday - Thursday nights + Saturdays.  I was hoping that he would still be able to go to school once he got me home from surgery but this would be cutting it close.

I also hadn't clipped my toenails since the injury.  I just let em grow.....  It totally scared Nate.  But I finally clipped them before surgery, the last thing I did on Monday night.

I got checked in, mostly on time.  They took me back and got my vitals.  Several things upset me.  I haven't had access to a scale in almost 3 months, and I used to weigh myself everyday.  I couldn't really get up on the scale anymore by myself so I just stopped weighing altogether.  I still was tracking my calories everyday on MyFitnessPal, and my exercise calories (which I burn about 600 per session, 4 times a week.)  I thought I actually may have lost weight through all of this, but nope!  I hopped on the scale to see I had gained almost 15 pounds.  I'm not quite sure how that is possible; I've definitely struggled with my weight in the past leading up to the injury but I didn't see this one coming.  I'd been going to a nutritionist at St. Mark's Hospital for almost 7 months prior to my injury and we still could not figure out how to get my body to lose weight.  So that was kind of like a dagger in my heart.  Then, the nurse took my vitals.  My blood pressure was way high.  I'm normally about 110, and I was over 140.  Then, she said my oxygen was low and my heart rate was too high (I was at 134bpm just sitting in the hospital bed).  Ugh.  What has my body done to itself??

I saw my head nurse, Laura, who went over all of my paperwork and medication history with me.  She also started me on an IV of liquid Tylenol.  Dr. Van Boerum and some of his partners believe doing this before surgery helps with dulling the pain receptors and can be beneficial in minimizing post-op pain.  That's kind of cool.  I also had to kind of explain a lot about how my NuvaRing works, so that was kind of embarrassing.  She was trying to get a gauge on the last time I had taken all of my medications and when we got to NuvaRing it became quite challenging.  I don't take it.  I put it in my vagina, and then I take it out of my vagina.  The End.

There was a whiteboard up this time with all the names of my various doctors.  Helpful, because last time they just all got called Ashley.  My expected surgery time was now 2:50PM.  Do they KNOW I haven't eaten since midnight last night?  Yes, they knew.  I asked.  Mega bitch was starting to emerge in all her glory.

I met with my head nurse, my admitting nurse, my OR nurse, and then finally my doctor.  He had me right "Yes" on the foot that needed to be operated on.  He also explained how he would be removing the pins.  The pin on the 4th metatarsal would need an incision about an inch long and a couple of stitches.  The pin over my 5th metatarsal (the one going vertical and I can feel it sticking out on the bottom of my foot...gross) was being removed in a much more barbaric fashion.  He said that basically they were going to put pressure on the skin around that pin until it popped through, then they would just pull it out with the pliers.  Why tell me that lol?  The good news is I won't need stitches for that method, it'll just literally be a poke hole.

 It felt like we waited FOREVER.  We were watching hospital TV and every damned commercial was for pizza, or sandwiches or buffalo wings.  Blergh!!!  Nate was playing the role of supportive husband, so, he also decided to fast right along with me.  I pleaded with him not to do it; no reason for us to both be cranky bitches.

Finally, it was time, around 3:30.  The last person to see me was my anesthesiologist.  He pumped my IV with "relaxation drugs", I said goodbye to Nate and off we went in my wheelchair down to the surgery room.  It was just as I had remembered, freezing cold.  I hopped up on the surgery table, they strapped me in and my anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask over my face.  He told me to take some deep breaths, and assured me that it was just oxygen.  That's the last thing I remember.  Was it really just oxygen?  Probably not, that bastard.

I woke up in the recovery room, to very minimal pain in the foot.  I felt pretty anxious though.  I have a really bad case of panic disorder which is mostly controlled, but I think they just had me on so many drugs, I felt like I do when I feel a panic attack coming on.  I was also thirsty, so the nurse brought me a cup of ice cold water.  I didn't stay in recovery very long, within a few minutes they brought Nate in, and within a half hour I was discharged.  They delivered my prescription pain meds to me bedside (nice!) and the nurse told me I should be good to go for a while because they'd given me a full shot of morphine right before I woke up.  Sweet.  But also not sweet, because I was super anxious.  But not in any pain.  The nurse gave me some Lorna shortbread cookies as we wheeled out to the car.  It was 5:30 now, and I knew Nate was not going to make it to school.

On the way home we got McDonald's and ice cream!  I was so excited to eat.  But I had to take it really slow so I didn't puke it back up.  I also immediately came home and started drinking my "poop juice" (aka Metamucil) because I remembered how horrible it was from the last surgery.  I settled in the my bed/nest on the couch and just drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few hours.  We are currently marathoning "Heroes" and I think I may have missed an episode or two.

So far, recovery hasn't been that bad.  It is different from the first surgery for sure.  First of all, this surgery took approx 40 minutes, where as my first surgery was almost 3 hours.  I only needed a light amount of anesthesia to keep me out during the procedure and it was not as deep as it was before.  I was not groggy for very long after waking up.  I also had been freaking out about pain.  Right before surgery my doctor said that if I rated the first surgery pain as 80/100 (which yes, it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced) than this surgery would be somewhere around 4/100.  I still expected a lot of pain, but when I woke up, I didn't really feel much.  After the morphine wore off, my foot started feeling pretty sore, so I took a pain pill or two and it was cleared right up.  I think the most challenging parts of surgery #2 are not pain related.  I have a whomping headache, brain fog, fatigue, nausea... all of that fun stuff.

So, I'm pretty excited about all this progress.  I get to meet with Stephanie on Monday for a weight bearing session.  I was also instructed to by my doctor to get these shoe inserts (Superfeet) for arch support when I start weight bearing in the boot.  He says they are the one of the highest quality over the counter inserts you can get.

Lisfranc In the News

Lisfranc injuries have been getting a lot of attention this week in Utah because Taysom Hill (the quarterback for BYU) is now out for the season with said injury.

Let me start off by saying that I'm a Utes fan, but I really feel horrible for Taysom and wouldn't wish the injury on my worst enemies. Except maybe Tom Brady.  No, not even him.  I'm no collegiate athlete either, but who knows if he'll be able to come back from this injury and be able to perform at his same level?  It's very sad.

A co-worker of mine told me to look on the bright side one day when I was down.  He'd told me, "If you were a professional athlete, your career would be over!"  Thanks?  I guess that is one way to look at it.  I'm not a professional athlete.  I can still have my career.  

I've been seeing a lot of questioning on social media on why this injury would end a season, and even a career.  Most people think that it's just a foot sprain, you can rub some dirt on it, and be good to go.   That just shows how little the world (aka normal people) have no clue about this injury or how serious it really is.  You have no idea, unless you've actually gone through it, or someone very close to you has.

Gionni Paul (a linebacker for the Utes) recently reached out to Taysom on social media, as he too suffered through this injury.  There's an intense rivalry between BYU and Utah, players and fans alike, so to see Gionni offer support was heartwarming to me.  This injury has a way of bonding people together that have had it, because we're all going through the same hell, or have gone through it.  I'd be willing to talk to anyone, or help anyone, at any stage along the way, tell them about my experiences, my ups and downs.  Hopefully one day, I'll be able to tell people that I once had this injury; I recovered, it's now in the past, and I'm a stronger person because of it.

I'm grateful for the care I'm receiving at TOSH.  Even though I'm slightly mad at my doctor for slicing me open, pumping me full of metal and sidelining me for 3 months.

This week has also had some frustrations though.  I'm really sick of not walking.  My foot, for the most part, feels "great".  By great, I mean it feels mostly normal.  I know there's pins and plates and screws in there, but I can take off my boot, wiggle my toes, flex my foot back and forth without much pain now.  I. just. want. to. WALK.  Not run, or ride a bike, or swim, or anything.  I just want to stand on my own two feet and take a couple of unassisted steps. It's astonishing to think I haven't walked in almost 3 months.  I've got just over a month left until that second surgery to get the pins out that are preventing me from bearing weight.  

I'm sick of people having to take care of me, and trying to do things for me.  My husband knows this, and he knows if I truly need something I will ask for it.  I'm stubborn and will try to do most things on my own, even if it takes me four times as long to do it.  Like cooking, or dishes, or trying to get things off the top shelf in the cabinet.  I only ask for help if it's truly something I cannot do.  Or, for those times when I've spent a half hour getting ready for bed, undress, climb in, turn the light off and lay down, and realize I've forgotten to do something.  My husband's the best at helping me with those moments.  It feels like people are in my face sometimes with their helpfulness.  While I appreciate the offers of help from others, I can do things on my own.  I'm a pro.  I got this.

And this might be an embarrassing topic, but this is my journal and voice to the world, but I totally do not feel sexy.  At all.   This is probably the thing that gets me down the most.  How can I feel sexy when I'm rolling around on a scooter?  How can I possibly be attractive to my husband in any sense?    "Hey Baby, wanna get with me and my boot? ;)"    I used to love getting dressed up and going out on a Friday or Saturday evening, decked out in my cutest dress and my sexy Louboutin heels.  But now, it's all about which yoga pants are the most comfortable and which tennis shoes are going to give me the most support for my left leg.  I haven't worn a pair of jeans or really anything cute since my injury.  My clothes have to be practical and comfortable, and sexy does not fit into that category.   I also feel like a blob.  I'm still working out and eating right, but  I just feel... puffy.  Not like myself.  I was looking at my ass in the mirror at the gym yesterday, and my butt is just not as cute and perky.  I haven't squatted, deadlifted or lunged in 3 months, so its just flabby and droopy.  My shoulders and arms are for sure filling out though....maybe a little too much.

I just want to feel like myself again.

Pink Cast Blues

Let me start off by saying that I've never broken a bone before, so I've never had a cast. 

But, I'm really sick of my cast!

It taxes my gig.

1) Casts are gross!  I never really thought about what having your leg encased in something for a month will do.  Nate swears that he isn't able to smell anything, but I think it smells totally funky.  Sometimes, it is the only thing that I can smell, especially when I just get done taking a shower.  So I find myself dousing my entire cast with Bath & Body Works sprays, usually Tahiti Dream  or Bourbon Vanilla Strawberry.  I'm constantly worried about it.  But then again, I am sensitive to smells in general.  One day, if you want a real treat, ask me about the worst smell on the planet:  outside smell.  You can only smell outside smell inside.  Cold outside smell is worse than warm outside smell.  If outside smell gets on anything, it either must be washed or replaced.  Or, I will gag, uncontrollably.  Outside smell is a real, horrible thing.  My logic is undeniable.

2) Shaving! I have to shave every day.  If I don't, I am unable to sleep and I just think about the unshaven hair.  The fact that I cannot shave my right leg from the knee down drives me bonkers.  Leg hair... yuck!!  Each day, my cast gets looser and looser.  So, each time I shower, I see how far down I can get the razor.   Probably not the best idea I've had.  But, if I can see the hair, it must be shaved.

3) Skin issues!  Apparently your epidermis is constantly shedding skin.  Normally, this dead skin gets removed through your regular hygiene regimen or through natural friction (from clothes, bed sheets etc.)  Well, when you have a cast, there is no place for the dead skin to go so it just sits there and collects.  And I can see it.  And if I can see it, it MUST.  BE.  CLEANSED!  I've found that I'm pretty obsessive about it.  Like OCD obsessive.

4)  It's hard!  Yes, I know that is the whole point of a hard cast.  But this sucker is solid.  So solid, that I have had a pretty good bruise line for almost a solid month now of where my cast rests against my leg when I use Trumpy.  Nothing compares to the bruises I got after Spartan though. I did take pictures of them - I'm morbid like that.  This is my "good" leg:

As much as I hate my cast, it is doing it's job.  *grumble*  On the way in to work Wednesday, I got a little more daring with my need for independence and decided to try and hop to the car with my work backpack on instead of having Nate carry it for me.  It had my laptop, chargers, tennis shoe and gym clothes (for working out) so it was a bit meaty in weight.  When I got to the car door, I tipped backwards a bit lost my balance, and 31+ years of instinct kicked in and I slammed my right foot down on the garage floor to steady myself.  Mistake!  I was in so much pain, I started sweating, and seeing spots, thought I was going to pass out!  Nate came over and got the backpack and got me settled in to the car.  I thought I was going to puke.  But, after about 10 minutes, the intense pain subsided and turned into just a dull ache.  My foot was like, "Something bad happened to me!  I'm going to sulk ALL day! :("  I immediately thought I'd done some damage to my surgery site, but then I realized that is what the CAST is for. It's sole purpose is to PROTECT me, not make me miserable.  I was fine the next morning, and actually noticed I am having more feelings in my foot than normal.  I was loading dishes last night, and my toe started itching!  I hadn't experienced a toe itch since my initial injury.  I was so excited about it, I called Nate over to show him.  But I couldn't really show him.  Even though it is a crappy feeling, it is a feeling!

So even though I hate you, thank you, cast.

FrankenFoot!

I had my 2 week follow-up appointment at TOSH today.  They removed my splint, and took some x-rays to see how my foot is healing.  When the nurse peeled back the splint, I got my very first glimpse of my tootsie since going under the knife.  It looked like...FrankenFoot!!  It was not pretty.  I also have a pretty serious case of the furs, since I haven't shaved in almost a month.

First, the x-ray.  I ended up with only one plate (at one point the doctor thought he would need to do 2) and a myriad of pins and screws.  My navicular was the worst injury, and therefore has the most metal.  

And now, I present Frankenfoot, in all it's glory (not for the squeamish):

 I am going to have the most wicked scars.

It felt pretty liberating to have the splint off.  As a fun side trip, I also had my left ankle x-rayed at the doctor's office today.  When I had my accident, I sprained my left ankle.  I was so preoccupied with my right foot and it's injury that I never thought of getting the left foot looked at.  Almost a month later, I still have pain in my left ankle.  The Doctor examined it, and the x-ray was negative so no fractures.  Phew.  I had horrid worst-case scenario nightmares of needing my left foot operated on as well.  He thinks it's probably just a sprain taking it's time to heal.  I got a spiffy lace up brace for my left foot.

Now for the most important question of the day:  what color will my cast be?  Hot Pink, of course!

I'd never gotten a cast before, so the experience was educational.  The nurse came in with a basket of wraps and padding, two buckets of water, and some torture looking device on wheels.  She had me sit on the edge of the table and place my foot flat on the bar of the torture device.  Turns out it was just a way to help align my foot into a "neutral" position.  She got it aligned, and although uncomfortable, it wasn't too bad, she started to wrap my foot, and I started feeling kind of dizzy.  I have been getting dizzy spells ever since the surgery when I am in a vertical position for any extended period of time.  I also hadn't eaten.  I tried to continue on, but was on the verge of passing out, so I told her I needed to lay down.  She immediately returned with an assortment of juices and granola bars which I shoved into my mouth.  I laid there, pretty embarrassed, and she said not to worry - the body has ways of dealing with trauma and sometimes this happens.  I rested for about 15 minutes, then she came back and we started again.  This time, it went smoothly.  After the padding layer, she took the first layer of the cast and dunked the wrapping in water, then wrapped that around my leg.  By some sort of magical science, this caused the material to harden into a very sturdy cast.  She did the same with the hot pink layer - dunked it in water and then wrapped it over my leg.  I guess the chemical reaction causes some heat, because my leg was pretty darn toasty inside.  And that was it!  Good to go.

I am sure glad I got that pedicure right before Spartan, otherwise my toes might be just as scary as my FrankenFoot is!  I made another follow-up appointment in 4 weeks.  At that time, the cast will come off, we will take another set of x-rays and see how healing is progressing.  If all is good, we will start working on some range of motion exercises and graduate into a boot.

I still feel pretty bummed.  The doctor plainly told me today that "my days of running and high-impact exercising are over."  I'm not sure if he is just playing it very conservatively at this point, or if it really is true.  Maybe I can still run, just not long distances?  I'm trying to focus on all of the other things I can do, like hiking, biking, and swimming, but it is easier said than done.  I'm determined to make the best out of my physical therapy and stay positive.  I'm only 2 weeks down, there is plenty of healing left to do.

Surviving Week 1

I'm now past the week 1 mark post-op (~3 weeks since my initial injury).

The first 3 days after my surgery are a blur of sleep, pain, and a medication-induced haze.

I woke up on the 4th day and felt a lot of improvement in my pain and I started to taper off my pain medication a bit to slowly wean myself off of them.

I had some welcome visitors during the week as well, and it sure did lift my spirits and brighten my days!

My mother came over with flowers and spent some time with me, making sure to cook me plenty of jambalaya and seafood gumbo (and a pork roast for Nate) to keep me well nourished during my recovery.

I had a visit from my sweet sister-in-law Jessica, her husband Todd, and my sweet niece Clara.  Clara seemed very concerned about the condition of my foot.  I told her that I had a very bad owie :(

And what's the best way to survive foot surgery?  Ice cream of course!!  My cousin Mark had fresh ice cream shipped from Coolhaus and we had an ice cream tasting party!  He sent 5 different flavored pints:

Chocolate Molten Lava Cake
Salted Caramel
Whiskey Charms (whiskey flavored ice cream and lucky charm pieces)
Bacon (candied bacon ice cream)
Balsamic Fig & Marscapone

I also had plenty of animal cuddles for sick "mom".  I know they know something is wrong with me, so I have an animal on my lap during every minute of the day (they rotate).  Purrs have healing powers... and so do sloppy dog kisses.  But, they are also taking advantage of me, and getting on the counters and into things they shouldn't.  They see me as their injured antelope at the back of the pack.  They know I'm not going to get up and chase them off the counter so any yelling I do is an empty threat to them.  Ugh.

Even though I had some happy moments, there were also some not so happy moments.  On Day 5, I wanted to get outside and get some fresh air.  Nate cooked brats and we had some Zapp chips, and decided to eat outside on the patio.  After dinner, I was practicing on my crutches, trying to get up the patio steps.  I lost my balance and fell over on the cement, luckily not injuring anything but my pride though. I had a really rough night after that, thinking that a normal life was just not going to be possible in my condition.  And my poor husband.  His life is totally changed by this too.  All I can do is keep practicing, and keep on healing!!

I have my 2 week appointment with TOSH on Monday.  I'm looking forward to getting my splint off, maybe seeing some x-rays, and getting the first glimpse of my naked foot.

A Hitchhiker's Guide To.... Foot Surgery

If you are having foot, leg, or any type of surgery where you will lose the use of one of your legs, I've compiled a helpful set of tips to get you through the process.  These things have helped me survive so far.

Before Surgery:

1) Mobility

I did not have much success with crutches.  I felt uncoordinated and fearful that I would fall and break even more bones.  I highly recommend a knee scooter as your primary mobility device.  You can purchase one on Amazon for about $180, (Super Sexy Knee Scooter) or rent one from a medical supply company.  It does have it's limitations - it works great indoors, but is a little bit of a rough ride outside on anything other than smooth pavement.  You also can't use it on stairs.  But, overall, I've found it the best option as far as getting around.  I can still use my hands and utilize a basket for carrying items back and forth.  If you can, try to rent/buy your scooter (or other chosen mobility device) before your surgery so that you can practice on it.  I rented a scooter initially but after figuring out my recovery times, I bought the one I linked above.  Your doctor should be able to give you the forms for the handicapped pass for your car; get that in advance as well.  However, the cats are not amused by the scooter, AT ALL.

2) Prep Your House

Give your house a good cleaning.  You will want to be comfortable while recovering from surgery.  Adjust furniture to ensure that you have a clear path to your most used destinations (bathroom, bedroom, etc).  Remove any throw rugs as they can be hazardous if you are using something like a knee scooter.  You will also want to create a "nest".  This will be your primary recovery place after your surgery.  Include all of your most commonly used items such as:

Remotes, magazines/books, medications, lotion, water bottles, laptop, phone, blankets, pillows.....

3) Arrange For A Caregiver

You are going to need someone to take care of you and/or visit you regularly so that you don't go completely crazy.  In this case, it's mainly my husband, and my mother, but seek out any friends and family ahead of time and arrange for visitations.  If people lend a hand and want you to let them know if you need anything, take them up on it and be specific.  Can you bring over a meal on Thursday for dinner?  Can you help me do my laundry on Friday?  Can you clean my kitchen on Saturday?  Don't try to go through this on your own.  Also, plan quick and easy meals (cereal, ramen, etc)

4) Purchase Helpful Items

Amazon was my best friend, but I purchased the following things and installed them (well, my husband installed them) prior to surgery to help me along:

- Waterproof Cast Cover

- Shower/Bath grab bars

- Anti-Slip Bath Mat

- Extended Hand Grabber

- Shower Stool/Bench

- Foot Elevation Pillow

5) Entertainment

Line up your entertainment because you will have a LOT of down time while recovering.   Netflix, movies, books, magazines, computer games, music, board games.  Thanks, Mom, for these great gifts.

After Surgery:

1) Medications

If you are going to be like me, I was in a lot of pain after surgery.  The main lesson I learned was to NOT get behind on my pain meds.  Take your medication when your pain begins to escalate, and not when it is already intense.  You will have a much harder time controlling your pain if you get behind schedule.  I set up an alarm on my phone to help me remember my doses and took my  pills on schedule every time.

2) Pooping

Don't laugh.  If you take any sort of narcotic pain med on a regular basis, you WILL have trouble pooping.  After one or two days it's all fun and games, but then it becomes a real problem.  I took a few supplements to help me out:

-Exlax (twice a day)

-Metamucil (3 times a day)

- Laxative Tea (for emergencies)

Take that and you're sure to be right as rain in a day or so.

3) Rest (and ICE!)

It is so important for you to rest.  You will realize very quickly that you do not have your normal energy levels that you had pre-surgery.  Your body is devoting all available resources to healing your injury site!  Taking a shower, even getting up to go to the bathroom can be exhausting.  Listen to your body, and rest when you are tired.  It's OK to take naps if you feel like you need them.  Ice packs and elevation are also your new best friend.  Its amazing at what type of pain relief they can provide.

4) EAT

Eat food and make sure that you are getting enough calories each day.  Do not eat at a deficit.  My doctor recommended a balanced diet of fruits/vegetables, and PROTEIN!  Protein is critical to the healing process so eat your meats, eggs and nuts!  I also supplement my protein with protein powder.   I also purchased Jarrow's Ultra Bone Up Formula to help with my bone healing and make sure that I am getting enough calcium and vitamin D each day.  I figure that it can't hurt :)

5)  Combat Depression

This one has been hard.   Set goals for yourself each day and accomplish them.  Go outside, even if its just on one of the steps in your backyard.  Open the window and get some fresh air.  As you feel ready, plan trips to the grocery or small outings with your caregiver just to get outside of the house.  Just don't over do it.

I'm sure there's more I will discover in the coming weeks/months.  

Surgery Day

I had a follow-up appointment on Monday the 6th with Dr. Van Boerum at TOSH.  He confirmed the swelling was down enough to perform surgery the very next day.  After a mountain of paperwork and discussing my life medical history, I was instructed to report back to the TOSH surgical center at 9AM Tuesday morning.

I insisted on having a last meal.

Bombay House - Chicken Tikka Misala and Chicken Makhani with Garlic Naan

I then wanted a treat and Nate drove me to Iceberg and we waited in the drive through for half an hour for a BlueBerry Cheesecake over-the-top shake.  I made sure to finish it all before midnight - my cut off for eating and drinking since surgery was in the morning.

My mom drove to our house from Tooele and rode with us to the TOSH hospital, for moral support and to keep Nate company during the 2 and half hour surgery.

We arrived at the hospital and checked-in at the surgery desk.  Almost immediately, I was taken back to a pre-op room and covered in warm blankets as various nurses and doctors came in to check vitals, discuss anesthesia and prep me for surgery.  I wasn't nervous too much, just ready to get the surgery done and get my healing under way.  I was bummed that I was "resetting" all the healing that my body had done over the last week and a half on it's own, but excited to get to the real healing that would be with me long term.

The most nerve wracking moment was when they instructed me to give them a urine sample so they could test me for pregnancy.  I managed to somehow maneuver myself into the bathroom and pee in a cup.  As I handed it over to the nurse, they told me that if I was pregnant, they couldn't operate.  A moment of panic came over me as I realized that I'd missed my period last month!!!  It seemed like it took FOREVER for the results to pop up on her little machine, but then, she told me the results were negative.

PHEW!!

Dr. Van Boerum came to visit me.  I was scheduled for surgery at 10:30.  He was already "warmed up" as he had done another surgery already this morning.  He spoke to Nate and my mother, and gave them some instructions on what would be happening once I was in recovery.  I'd see them again in my recovery room on the other side of the hospital.  Here we go!

I was then whisked away in a wheelchair to the surgery room by my anesthesiologist.  From the bits and pieces I remember, once we entered the surgery area, he told me it was going to be chilly.  He wasn't lying.  It was COLD in there.  He told me that it was even colder inside the operating room.  He wasn't lying about that either.  It was FREEZING.  I remember getting up on the table, and again my OR nurse gave me plenty of warm blankets and turned on a warming light above my body.  I looked around and could see x-rays on the wall, but they weren't mine.  It was someone named Judy.  I was trying to get the attention of the nurses and doctors to tell them I wasn't Judy, but I was so groggy.  The anesthesiologist informed me that I would be going to sleep soon.  I remember looking over and seeing my x-rays up on the screen instead of Judy's and I felt relieved they were looking at the right ones!   The last thing I remember is the doctor telling me that I was going to feel a burning in my body from the anesthesia and not to worry.  I never did.  I just fell asleep.

I woke up in the recovery room, oblivious to what had happened after what seemed like just a second.  My foot was in a ton of pain (I thought it was going to be numb still, what the hell?!) and my throat was very dry and raspy.  I had a very persistent nurse asking me to give her a pain level from 1-10.  I told her that it hurt.  She forced me to give a number.  I said a 6, I think, and she gave me drugs into my IV.

The next thing I remember was seeing my husband and my mom, and also my mother and father-in-law.  When did they get here?  I didn't know they were coming!  I was so happy to see my loved ones and I settled into my hospital bed.  I was staying overnight.

I met another flurry of nurses, and I eventually gave up and started to call them all Ashley.  Eventually it was time for my family to leave and that made me so sad and upset.  I'm glad they did though, because I had a very rough night and I'm sure it would have been hard on them.

Outside my room, there was a sign indicating that I was a fall risk.  I had to call the nurses each time to use the bathroom and that was humiliating.  Partly, because I drink a lot, A LOT of water.  Like 100 oz a day.  So I pee, A LOT.  I saw the nurses a lot that night.

They also had me on some pretty wimpy pain medication.  It was okay for the first few hours, but once it wore off, it felt like I could never get ahead of the pain.  At one point, I reported to the nurse that my pain level was at an 8, and she gave me a sweet dose of dilaudid in my IV, which helped for about an hour where I was able to squeeze in a few minutes of sleep.  Other than that, I didn't sleep, mainly because of the pain, but also because the nurses were coming in every 5 minutes to take me to the bathroom, and the old lady across the hall from me had her TV volume turned up to 11.

I finally saw my Dr and his PA in the morning, and told them how horrible my pain had been and that I needed something stronger.  They both agreed and put in a change order for my meds.  Once I got on the stronger medication, it was a lot better and I was much happier!  I also think they told me I only had to have 3 incisions, but, I can't be sure of that conversation.  I do know that I ended up with 2 plates and a number of screws/pins.  It's all pretty hazy.

My mom and my husband arrived at the hospital in the morning around 8 or 9.  I was so glad to see them!!  After a few hours of making sure my new pain meds were working, and after practicing the crutches with the physical therapist - I was clear to go home!